Throwaway account since my bf uses Reddit. My (24F) boyfriend (25M) just told me voluntarily the other day that he occasionally looks at other women on Instagram while he jacks off. He doesn’t watch porn, he never really has (I %100 believe him on that one). He’s always been SO honest with me-sometimes to a fault- and he told me of his own accord that he did this sometimes and wasn’t proud of it. I asked him if he had ever looked at girls that he or I know in real life and he said a couple of times, but he wasn’t proud of it and hated that he even did it at all.
I’ve sent him a good amount of spicy pictures and videos before that he has in an album on his phone so the thought of him needing something else kind of hurts my feelings, ESPECIALLY if he’s looking at people we know. He assured me that they weren’t lewd pictures or anything, but I feel like that makes me feel even worse, because it isn’t even like nude women in general that’s getting him off- it’s just women that he knows.
He told me that he’s going to try to not do it again, but didn’t feel like he could promise me he’d NEVER do it again because he didn’t want to mess up and break his promise, but he would promise to never look at pictures of women that we know while jerking off ever again. Is that normal? Should I be concerned? It’s really bothered me and made me feel insecure, and he was really honest and upfront which I appreciate, but I just can’t shake how it made me feel.
1 comment
Is it normal for people the masturbate? Yes. Is it normal for people to masturbate while looking at pictures? Yes. Are those pictures of people they know? Sometimes.
But, honestly it doesn’t really matter what other people do as much as what you are comfortable with and can negotiate within your relationship. I think it’s unrealistic to think that just because you send him spicy pics, that he will only masturbate to you. I think the boundary of it not being mutual friends is reasonable but I also think that it’s something that you shouldn’t even be concerned with at all. His masturbation is his business and his time with himself. He shouldn’t have to report back the details of what he is doing. Unless he were looking at something illegal, I think he should be allowed to keep that secret.
You mentioned that he experienced shame in admitting it to you. That is part of the problem with this inquiry (I don’t know how it came up). What he did isn’t sinister and imo he should’ve been able to keep it to himself like most people do.