Firstly, I’d like to say that I fully understand that there are two sides to every story. And I know I am not totally innocent.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We have had kids back to back recently and after that our bodies have gotten soft, we are exhausted from work and still attending school.
Our kids are now getting older. Less stress. Before and after kids, I’ve always had body image issues as well as difficulty initiating sex and low sex drive. Now, boom i’m in my 30s and reading smutty books and all I want is sex!
My husband and I have explored BDSM and have decent communication to make things more exciting. But now I want to be totally dominated. I’m even having dreams about other men doing things to me.
We have had somewhat of a discussion about the things I like/want. I tell him all the sexy things the men in my books say/do. He happy to get what he wants from me, but when it’s time to reciprocate, he just doesn’t seem eager/excited. I find myself becoming unattracted to him even doing things to me because I expect to be disappointed. I have asked if it’s a hygiene or other issue and he assures me it is not.
When he takes on the dominant role that just seems flat. Like he’s doing it because I want him to.
I love him, and I don’t think our marriage would survive, opening it. But my God, I just want to feel wanted! I want to feel sexy! Does anyone have advice for me? I’m sorry if I’m rambling, I don’t have anybody else to talk to about advice.