When I was a freshman in college (2010) I was living in a dorm at a massive school that was famously a party school.
For context, I had zero social skills and grew up a miserable, depressed, socially-stunted outcast (99% sure I am autistic). The only thing I had going for me is I was fit. I ran track in hs, no social life but I managed to get into weight lifting since age 14. It was all I did. Nonetheless I am only 5’5″, so was still small over all. Also of south-asian descent.
I had no clue what I was doing. Suddenly thrust in this hyper-social environment with a clean slate. All I knew how to do was imitate the people around me, which I was pretty good at. But this only got me so far. I screwed up a lot and didn’t have a ton of success.
My roommate however was this cheerful, outgoing dude who met everyone with a smile and overly happy greeting. He was a short east-asian kid, not particularly fit, and everyone loved him. He hung out with the “cool” crowd. The ones that distanced me once they realized I was weird.
Before they realized this, I mimicked his demeanor for a while. I greeted and spoke to everyone the way he did, using his overly positive/happy way of speaking as much as I could. Everyone I met around campus responded tremendously. They liked me and wanted to include me. People were genuinely excited to see me.
Unfortunately, since it was so ingenuine, I couldn’t keep it up. I also have a chronic pain condition that causes headaches, so that made it even tougher. But the experience taught me a lesson in how much your attitude and presentation can factor in how people perceive you, and likely shapes your entire social experience. Most of us either reveal our insecurity in our demeanor, or are just plain old dull. If you can manage to genuinely change your personality to this warm, smiley, and happy person you would see dramatic changes.
I don’t know how doable this actually is for everyone, but just wanted to share my experience. Best of luck to you all.