Hello everyone. This is the first post I’m ever writing openly about my boyfriend but it generally concerns me about this…For the most part, my boyfriend is altogether lovely. We have dated a little less than two years. He seems quite sensitive and quiet. He has no friends and for the most part does not seem to have an issue with it. I sometimes stay over at his house for an extended period of time because he lives closer to work.
Whenever we go out on dates, or run little errands together like go to the grocery store I could tell that he gets into a bad mood. I have a hard time describing it, but his tone changes to very corporate. He would kind of walk faster and stop communicating with me. It feels cold and disassociated. I would talk and ask him questions and he would quickly shut me down saying “I don’t know.” and stop staring at me in the eyes, or just has this very cold tone that is difficult to describe. When I ask him if he is okay, he gets triggered saying that he was fine before I asked him the question. I would leave him alone for 5 minutes or so and he would eventually recover and try to regain connection, but this happens almost every time I’ve gone out with him.
I’ve tried to address it with him and he usually says something like the noise or the lights were very triggering to him. When we eat and it’s a little bit loud in the restaurant, I would say something and immediately he would shake his head and refuse to talk anymore saying there’s no point of talking when he can’t hear me. He told me that he is used to being alone so he does not notice himself acting like this way, and so he will try hard to be more mindful of my feelings.Things sometimes improve for a bit, but after a while it would be the same. When we’re eating in a restaurant there would be times where for half an hour, we would just eat in silence. He would sometimes try to signal that he’s not mad by humming or touching my hand but this is usually already after I’ve noticed him be upset and it would ruin my mood because I would get hurt.
I’m not sure what to do. I love him very much, and I know that he cares for me too but it is difficult to find a compromise. Please, if anyone has had this experience let me know why he is acting this way? I have not been with anyone with this amount of sensitivity and so it has been quite confusing and I’m not sure how to accommodate him.
TLDR; My boyfriend (30M) sulks, or gets really moody whenever we are in public spaces and it is starting to affect my mood as well.