What I’m asking for is not what is the „right thing” to do or what you think you would do. I want to know what you would REALLY do if you were in this situation or what did you do if you’ve been there. I suspected that my mom had a romance with this dude (they were in relationship over 20 years ago) for a while, there were many signs. Few times I saw suspicious notifications on her phone, when dad was out of town she would go out and come home in the middle of the night etc. Yesterday same thing happened – she went out and didn’t come back when estimated. I called her multiple times and she didn’t pick up even once and was home probably at 3-5 (I was asleep at this point). This was the moment when I knew I have to do investigation and I checked her phone today and found the evidence. Even the dates show that she was texting/calling him when she was ghosting me and telling me a story about how she got sick. Worst part is that my dad believes this dude is “ONLY a friend, because she wouldn’t be interested in him, because once it didn’t work out for them so it wouldn’t work out now” and I don’t really know what to do. I still can’t believe that any of my parents could even cheat on each other. What complicates it is that my relationship with way mom is better, my dad can be very rude person and annoys her very often (which obviously isn’t a justification), but he would NEVER cheat on her and she knows this. He’s a good man and really loves her (and us) but sometimes don’t know how to show it. I have a younger brother who’s 16 and I don’t know if I should tell him, he’s still bit childish and I’m afraid he somehow won’t be able to handle the situation and it may create a big fuss. I have one screenshot with obvious proof of cheating, created new access code to my mom’s phone because I know there’s way more and already gathered info about this guy. I thought about finding his wife and messaging her from fake account but he doesn’t have facebook and from what I’ve heard they’re divorced/separated so it won’t do too much. And the worst part is my dad. If I tell him it probably will totally destroy the family, I wouldn’t even be surprised if they both started hating me – mom for “snitching” and dad blaming me for saying this and destroying the family (it is actually very possible in my family). I just know that this house would never be the same. Other option is collecting my moms password to the platform where she contacts him, gather more evidence and threat her I’m gonna expose her to dad if she doesn’t break if off (and if she does have instant notification about it). I can’t imagine not doing anything there, it just eats me up inside. I feel so alone with it and don’t know what to do. Should I tell my brother?
Personally I mostly feel like blackmailing this dude into breaking things off, but there is nothing I can use against him that he would care about (yet). Realistically – gathering proof and little “invigilation” with blackmailing mom into breaking things off with this dude, because other way I’ll expose her seems the best option, but deeply in my heart I feel like she wouldn’t do it and try to “find her ways” and as soon as she did I would find out too and then we would be again in the same, but pretty much worse place. I just want my family back, everything since I found out seems fake in this house and it doesn’t feel home anymore…
What also holds me back is that we’re my moms only family, she doesn’t have anyone else + she had very tough childhood. So all the ideas about destroying her appearance in eyes of every people she knows is brutal and totally not the point. I want to save my family and not destroy by this type of revenges.
Saying it’s none of my business is also out of touch, considering how drastically this can change all of our lives here.
We also don’t live in the place where kids turn 18 and move out and get fully independent asap. You become fully independent after you graduate uni and finally get a job that pays ok. But I’m not sure if I’m not going to be forced to leave the house very soon and be on my own since then
EDIT: My DMs are ONLY OPEN if you were in a same situation and solved it, but don’t want to share it publicly.
DO NOT message me just because you’re curious.
Also please, don’t turn this into any type of tiktok reddit story, this is already big trauma for me and hurts a lot