As you read in the title I (17M) am terrified my GF (17F) is going to cheat on me. Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 9 months now and recently it’s gotten complicated. She lied to me about going on a walk with her mum when she was with when she was with her Ex-Boyfriends mum (I do believe the encounter was innocent but it still hurt). I also recently discovered she has cheated (by her definition) on both of her previous boyfriends. The kicker is both times it was with me. When I say “cheated” I mean she would talk to me very suggestively about meeting and “doing stuff” with each other which, to be honest I also believe is cheating. Since I uncovered these facts I have really struggled to trust her and I am constantly worried that she may cheat on me. Honestly, up to the point of these events (all happened in about a month, about a month ago) she was an amazing girlfriend. Caring, loving, kind, compassionate. But I am worried my distrust in her and fear of her cheating has affected our relationship. I don’t feel loved by her anymore and I am worried it’s my fault. I dont know if it’s at the point where I should leave or what. This my first time in a serious relationship. I dont think im ready to let her go either. I love her so much. More than I have ever loved a person before.
What should I do?
6 comments
I was in a relationship very similar to yours. My ex was open about cheating on her previous boyfriends with me and that really bothered me too. I never trusted her 100% but gave her the benefit of the doubt because she told me our relationship was unlike any other she has had. We were dating for just over 2 years and I didn’t find out about until months after we broke up that she had been cheating on me the last 6 months of our relationship.
I believe a cheater is a cheater and they’re bound to do it again. If you’re having any doubts, I would break it off. No reason to be putting yourself through that. You’re young and have plenty of time to find someone you deserve.
I am also 33 and we started dating when I was 29.
Cheating on previous partners is a major red flag my friend. Meeting her ex boyfriends mom is also strange. It seems like you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak
I’d observe her actions quietly. essentially give her enough rope to hang herself. Just be ready to break it off if you see evidence of history repeating itself.
You want some serious advice from an older M? Leave.
Its not what you want to hear, but its what you should consider. You’re still a young boy, not even a man yet. You have alot to learn about the opposite sex and people in general, alot to learn about YOURSELF, and alot of experience you need to gain. Honestly you’ll only gain it continuing to date more and with time. You are too young to be stressing out over the fidelity of your 17 yr old GF. You should be enjoying your youth not giving up your energy to someone undeserving.
More advice. Never make it official with a person you enabled to cheat. She/he cheated on thier relationship at the time with you, they’ll likely do it to you too. You know this is true, and that’s why you have anxiety over it. Dont do it again. Learn from this time. Save yourself next time from the stress. Itll all be ok.
I know breaking up hurts. Its hurt all of us, every person on the planet experiences this. You’re not alone. And trust me when I say, this won’t be the last time. You will breakup with many people in your life, trust me. It never gets easier, but it is never the end of the world either. And as time goes by, you’re grateful things ended because its not until reflection that we realize just how toxic certain situations were. We learn from our mistakes, and hope not to repeat them. And every relationship or experience as time goes on, will mold you into a better different person that one day will be a very experienced man with knowledge of what he likes, what he doesn’t like, what he should and shouldn’t put up with, and many life lessons. I know you feel you’ve never loved anyone this much, and that might be true up to this point. But life surprises you. You’ll probably say this to yourself countless times as you mature,, and then one day hopefully you marry someone that is incomparable to the rest.. Dont worry son, have courage and be strong. This world is of abundance and there will always be another girl out there willing to love you the way you deserve.
Two things.
First, there is nothing you can do to make someone love you or not love you. All you can do is to be yourself. Work on expanding your good attributes and work on overcoming your unhealthy, negative traits.
Try to be giving and loving to your mate. (Try to fulfill their love language). Outside of that there is nothing you can do. You can make them stay so don’t fret about it. If you are being the best you can be and trying to love them try to not worry about things you cannot control. If they cheat, dump them and date other women.
Second, you need to have strong relationship boundaries. Enforce them. If she is doing stuff with other men that crosses your boundaries then you don’t want her anyway. If she is actively doing things that is giving you these “cheating” vibes then dump her. Find someone you are compatible with who does not cross your boundaries.
She’s a serial cheater. They never stop.
But you will stay until she cheats, and probably stay with her even after she cheats, and then she’ll cheat again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
You’re looking for some magic way to make her not cheat. It doesn’t exist.
SHE BELONGS TO THE STREETS!!!