To sum it up I’m 25M she’s 44F, I’ve know her for two years, and finally asked her out. We’ve gone on a few dates movies at her place, dinner, etc. We’ve discussed what we are and we mutually like each other, but I’ve gotten a hang up she said she wants to take things slow. We’ve only hugged, slept in the same bed, and that’s about it. Do I try and push the envelope at all, or do I completely allow her to navigate this at her own pace? I even gave her an out saying “if this isn’t for you we can stop before we start.” And she said no.
She did tell me she’s nervous, and insecure for multiple reasons, age gap, past relationship, etc. Thank you in advance Reddit!
11 comments
Not trying to rush into sex or an exclusive relationship until you know each other better.
Clearly she does t want to rush j to anything for the reasons given.
Older people also tend to have more slower paced lives.
She’s not sure about dating someone young enough to be her kid so she’s avoiding jumping into it with both feet.
I have friends in the same situation and my best advice is to respect her boundaries but verbally let her know you are into her! When a girl is insecure, saying things out loud like “You look so pretty it’s hard not to kiss you right now” or “All I want to do is hold your hand” , these things like this will reinforce to her that you’re into her and hopefully break down her insecurity barrier. Allow things to progress naturally and always ask her what she’s comfortable with.
That she is not a sexual person in this instance.
I think you’re both old enough to have this conversation. Best thing to do is to clarify what it means to take it slow in your relationship, especially if you’re ready for things to progress.
Her insecurities are valid given the situation but I do think reassurance is key here.
She might be wondering where she sees this going. When you are her age, she is gonna be 63. When you are 63, she will be 82. Not only that but you will be far less mature and experienced in life than she is and there might be times this is really noticeable to her and puts her off or makes her feel old. If you really want to give it a shot, go at her pace and see what happens because if you try to speed it up, you might just push her away.
Forget the age gap. Don’t EVER bring it up. She may have reservations about it, be worried what her friends, family, Facebook acquaintances, coworkers, etc., think about her dating somebody much younger. AVOID THE AGE DISCUSSION ENTIRELY. If she brings it up, simply say that you value her, that you’re attracted to her, that you want to be with her, etc. – but don’t ever refer to the age gap. Hopefully, I made myself clear. She’s got enough external society pressure without you adding to it.
Keep the pressure on. Be consistent, but be gentle. Do not force it, but do not stop with the interest and pushing the envelope. This is general advice I’d give anybody hoping to “sexually escalate” in a dating relationship.
waste of time. stop talking to her and find someone who is excited to be with you.
Women saying they want to take it slow means she wants your attention and for you to spend money on her while she doesn”t have to give you anything in return. She’s using you. Move on.
i’d probably keep talking to her but i wouldn’t get onitis over it find other women too.