EDIT: can’t edit the title, but I mean girl _ friends (friends that are girls). I hope it’s clear from the rest but, who knows! I’m not calling single men weird!
I am a bisexual woman engaged to another woman, so maybe that colors my view. I recently got in a conversation with a group of straight female friends, and they were all talking about how they wouldnt date a man who had close female friends. I guess I thought that was kind of a sexist rule.
When I’ve dated men, I have always been of the mindset that them having close female friends is a GOOD thing. It shows they value women as more than just potential partners/sex objects.
But then I thought about it. My ex left me for a woman he told me not to worry about. I’ve seen that happen to a lot of people. Can men really still not hold down strictly platonic female friendships? And why as a society aren’t we more concerned about a trope where men who can’t connect with women on a level beyond romantic? It’s kinda scary and honestly infantilizing of men.
I guess bc I’m attracted to all genders, I have always had to navigate who is a platonic friend and who I am interested in, and it’s never actually been a problem. I don’t ever keep my friends in this weird “maybe someday” bucket. That sounds exhausting. Idk and in my experience you can build friendship in a weird flirtatious place. Especially when that comes at the expense of respecting your partner. Plus I stand by that, if I was going to date a man, I’d want him to be the kind of man who values women enough to treat them like a valued platonic friend. In lesbian culture, it’s way more acceptable to have other, platonic, close lesbian friends. It’s about knowing your own boundaries and holding respect for your partner at the center of it all. But I’d never date another woman who told me I couldn’t have lesbian friends
TLDR: I think it’s a green flag when men have true plantonic female friends. To me, it seems to imply they respect women as more than sex objects. My straight friends seem to disagree and I don’t understand why.