For the sake of this story I’ll create some fake names. I’m Tom (23 years old) and my GFs friend is Lucy (22 years old).
So my GF (21 years old) is a bit bicurious and frequently has sex dreams about being with women. She has been very interested in trying it out and we have discussed doing so in a threesome. Most of this discussion took place almost a year ago but the topic faded away and we haven’t discussed it much recently. But last summer when we were discussing this she texted me several messages in middle of the night while she was out partying with Lucy to say that the three of us were going to have a threesome. I was asleep and my phone was dead so I didn’t see it until she got home and woke me up. Real bummer. So nothing happened. But fast forward to a couple days ago we were out partying and we met Lucy. I haven’t really seen her at all during this past year so first thing that came into my mind (and probably hers as well) was that last time we were in some sort of contact it was about having a threesome. So we spend the night drinking and dancing together and all of the sudden they start making out. Then we got separated and me and my GF decided to go home. But when we’re walking home Lucy starts calling us asking why we left and if we didn’t wanna go to a after-party with her. We were both tired and horny so we just went home instead. But she keeps calling saying that she is alone and just wants us to keep her company on the phone. Anyway, later when me and my GF are about to go to sleep she tells me that Lucy had said “Tom wants us. Let’s make out” right before they had started making out. I’m pretty sure Lucy was trying to make a threesome happen and my GF expressed that she also believes that might be true.
My question is: how do I proceed discussing this with my GF? I feel as if she might get mad if I bring it up because when we were discussing having a threesome she said that she wants to pick the girl and doesn’t want me telling her who I would like to have it with. Is it best to not bring it up and hope that it happens naturally? Both of them are kind of shy and might not have the guts to initiate. And I certainly do not want to initiate if I first haven’t talked to my GF about it.
TLDR: GFs friend seems to want to have a threesome with us and I don’t know if I should talk to my GF about it or hope it happens naturally in the future
14 comments
DO NOT have a threesome with someone you know. It will ruin friendships and relationships. Your girlfriend already told you that she would chose someone she’s comfortable with and tell you. It’s your gf’s fantasy, it’s more important that *she* is the one most comfortable with it.
I personally believe the idea to be disastrous. You’re very young to be able to handle an addition to the bedroom in a mature way.
How about you simply say that your interactions with Lucy have left you wondering what she (your gf) wants, and you would like to know. Then you can discuss your gf’s preferences with her and go from there without making it about what you want or do not want unless that becomes relevant.
If this friend is a good friend to your gf, then don’t do it with her. Threesomes are for acquaintances and strangers, not friends.
If you go through with the threesome, there is no way its going to end well.
Your GF has brought this up *repeatedly*.
It has to be okay for you to ask her plainly and directly about it. Ask your GF if Lucy is someone she’s into and if so, does she wants to make something happen there.
If she gets mad after she has frequently brought the topic up herself, then what that needs to tell you is that she enjoys the idea of a threesome more than the reality of it and you should probably drop the topic entirely.
Honestly, if she gets pissed off because you dared to express an interest in Lucy then she’s not emotionally prepared for group sex with anyone. Ditto if she is too shy to intiate. Group sex requires clear and open communication and some level of respect and appreciation for everyone’s desires. If that is not where you and your GF are at with this, don’t do it with anyone. It won’t be fun, or fair to your third.
Way over complicating this. Threesomes are hard to plan. Just be on the lookout for future opportunities. Then you’d need to decide in the moment.
I have been the girlfriend in the threesome in a previous relationship.
Unless this is more of a you watching them situation (and they’re cool with you watching/not being involved), I would not pass go on this. I would actually outright refuse even if they offer. It seems great, but if you and your gf have a good relationship this isn’t a good idea. Any perceived slight on her part, any feelings of you giving her more attention or getting more pleasure, etc could cause your relationship to fall apart or your GF to lose a good friend. It could even be more general or the negative feelings could occur much later; for example, if she just decided she isn’t actually bi after sleeping with a girl, then she has some weird situation with her friend. If the threesome experience isn’t traumatizing but just negative in general for her, then she could have weird feelings surrounding her friend. If your relationship works out well long term, she could feel weird about having someone you’ve had sex with in you guys’ wedding photos.
Threesomes where everyone is involved pose some more problems than just casual sex with a friend, because there are three people’s feelings to consider, and on top of that two people are usually in love which complicates it beyond just a casual lay. It’s much easier to have them with a stranger from the bar, a dating app, etc or even a sex worker. It’s easier in these situations to keep your relationship even if something goes bad, because then she can cut the third off without a second thought and she doesn’t have to see them again.
You would be wise to NOT bring this up to her. By doing so, she’s going to hear that you want to fuck her friend, even if she also does it might cause issues. I would just be quiet about this and if she brings it up, suggest having a threesome with someone neither of you know that well.
First off, threesome discussion and possibilities should NEVER EVER EVER happen while drunk. Period. If this is going to happen, it needs to be because everyone is interested and comfortable while sober. Introducing a new partner while drunk is a no good awful terrible miserable idea.
Similarly, a threesome should not be a spur of the moment thing. There’s a LOT to discuss before anyone touches anyone. Have you all had STI tests lately? What happens if there are feelings afterward? What happens if there *aren’t* feelings afterward? What happens if the friend happens to get pregnant? All of these things need to be nailed down when you three are NOT horny.
Generally speaking it is better for the long-term chances of you and your GF if you try a threesome with someone you don’t know, so if something goes wrong you can say goodbye without fouling a previous friendship. But if you really want to try it with this friend, you just need to ask. Say “hey GF, you’ve mentioned a few times the possibility of a threesome with X. How serious about that were you?” Take it from there.
Doesnt matter unless you want. And if you want to fuck her best friend it could be very well that your relationship is over.
So the question if she would like to have a threesome is a non factor you shouldnt care about
All ima say is don’t do it!! It’s her best friend. It will only cause your relationship problems after. Honestly people may not wanna say this but I will…you’re girl needs a new best friend. I would never be cool with my best friend wanting to initiate a 3some with me and my SO. It doesn’t matter if your girl initiated it first , that was almost a year ago. There’s probably a reason it hasn’t been brought up again. She probably dont want to anymore. Atleast not with her best friend.
It honestly sounds like you want to have the 3 some because you’re into her best friend. If that is the case then you shouldn’t even be talking about a 3 some y’all need to be talking about separating or going open bc that beyond just a 3some…
Seriously, I’ve had multiple threesome. But I’m always the added party. I’m not a close friend exactly. But I like the fact that I always get to leave afterwards.
If I were to do it in a relationship I would also pick someone I could leave and go no contact.
There’s a lot of bad advice in this thread
Playing with dynamite.
Is it possible she felt pressured or was easily swayed due to alcohol?
Don’t trust any behavior or conversation that is laced with alcohol. Alcohol makes you lose judgement.