Right now i have a friend over who me and my sister are both friends with. I invited this person over to just hang out with(this is our first time hanging outside of school) for a few hours, but after a while they asked if they could stay. I said sure, and told them that i go to bed rather early.
About 30 minutes ago i started to get extremely tired, and i told them so. I knew my sister wanted to hang out with them because they were already making plans earlier in the day. Anyway, I went into my sisters room, and said that i was tired. She told our friend to hang out with her, but later said that she feels bad for our friend because I made them hang out with her?? And then after that my father said i needed to suck it up.
Im kinda just laying here in bed feeling really shitty now. Did i do something wrong? I tend to get cranky when im tired so how can i prevent this?
I was also starting to get extremely stressed which added to me being tired because our friend started recording me and sent it to my crush. But am i wrong for getting upset at being recorded?
5 comments
1. You warned them when they asked to stay over that you sleep early, if they had a problem with it I assume they would have said something or just not stayed over.
2. In a lot of places it can be illegal to film someone without their consent, so no, you’re not wrong for being upset they did that.
I don’t think going to bed early was an issue. You told your friend ahead of time that you go to bed early and they chose to stay over and to stay up. It was nice of your sister to hang out with them, so it’s not like they were without any company.
You have a boundary: you go to bed at a certain time. You communicated that boundary ahead of time and were nice about it. You enforced that boundary when you felt tired. Anyone who has an issue with that is the problem.
Also, if it was done without your permission, it wasn’t cool of your friend to record you and send it to your crush. You are not wrong about being upset at being recorded, and it may be worth having a conversation about it with you friend tomorrow.
A number of things. Somewhat of a bitter pill.
Yes it’s a little rude. That’s one thing to know.
The reason it’s rude is that it’s generally rude to reveal that another person drains your energy.
It sucks for us introverts, but them’s the rules.
However, it’s not entirely accurate to say this person drained your energy. What I think drained your energy was this thing with the recording.
And I think the reason the recording is a problem for you isn’t just the effect on your crush. I think there’s a deeper problem, and I think it’s this problem with is draining your energy: **you kept your mouth shut**.
They recorded you. They sent it to your crush. You knew they were doing that, and you didn’t want them to do it. But you didn’t say anything (I’m assuming; you didn’t mention having said anything).
So basically, you just had an interaction with your friend that was damaging to your interests, and you have every reason to expect that same negative interaction to repeat **because you didn’t take the steps to prevent it being repeated**.
Those steps would have basically been to ask your friend not to send the recording.
Why didn’t you ask? Do you not trust your friend? Do you not want your friend to know you need their help/cooperation?
Long story short, that interaction with the recording of you going out to your crush against your wishes, is not the sort of thing you want in a friendship.
But the thing your subconscious is worried about is not that this friendship will hurt you or your interests. The thing your subconscious is worried about **is that you will have a lifetime of such friendships**.
I think the thing that’s bothering (is *scaring*) you is the awareness that you have a habit which will work against you in the long run. It could cause all sorts of chaos and suffering for you if you don’t fix it.
My advice for understanding this situation is to recognize your brain is afraid of your behavior. You made the decision to stay quiet, which is a pattern that will wreak havoc on your life.
So you’re scared because there’s an enemy in your house. But it’s not your friend. The enemy is one that lives in your own head: it’s whatever collection of perceptions, habits, and beliefs prevented you from saying “Don’t send that to them; that’s my crush” to your friend.
I too sometimes get extremely tired from interacting with people. What I’ve learned over the years is that I get tired much, much faster when my tongue is tied and Im not communicating openly and trustingly with the people around me. The more stuff I need to say but don’t say, the faster my interactions with other people drain me.
In my own experience, finding the self love and confidence to state what I want and to say when I’m unhappy, to be vulnerable to my friends and tell them what I need, has helped me socialize without so much of an energy drain.
Nothing is more sustaining that being with people we trust, and nothing is more draining than being with people we don’t trust.
In my own case I was trying to avoid open conflict. I learned at a very young age to censor myself heavily, and only say things that would go over well in the group. I would have been terrified of asking my friend not to share a video.
What would they think of me? What if they think I’m an idiot for saying this? What if I’m being an asshole? What if, what if, what if?
I had to answer a thousand questions in my own head before I felt comfortable saying something. So I just didn’t, and often didn’t get what I wanted from my relationships.
What that meant is that my relationships were a net drain on my resources. I didn’t state what I needed so the group didn’t give it to me. And so being out socializing was like going without oxygen. It was like going out on stage, or into hostile territory.
I was basically *going undercover* in the presence of others, and could only be myself when alone.
Being yourself more with others — which takes vulnerability and honesty — will allow you to absorb energy from social life instead of having to spend energy on it.
Sleep is critical. You really need to take care of yourself and you can speak to them when you are well rested.
No they were the one that asked to stay longer. It’s not your job to sit up and entertain people like a monkey. If you’re tired you are tired. I use to fall asleep on my friends all the time at first it bothered them. They would stay up late and function on low sleep because I think they thought it was cool to be tired all the time ? But now We are all older and they all look 5-7 years older than me. Your body and health is more important than your friend’s fleeting emotions.