Hi Everyone! My boyfriend and I have been discussing getting married in the near future. I love him deeply, feel very close to him and want to spend my future with him. I couldn’t imagine anyone else. He feels the same way. Yet, as I suppose with any relationship, there are certain things that I struggle with and am afraid that I’m ignoring potential red flags.
He jokes a lot. Not just a little, a lot. I don’t take it too personally because he jokes with his best friend, his siblings, his parents-everyone. It’s kind of an affectionate joking. To me its more like a little boy who has a crush and has to tease her.
Keep in mind when reading this, that I don’t take jokes very well. I was always made fun of for that growing up-I’ve always been a little too serious-but I try my best to laugh. (just keep that in mind-I don’t want a million messages saying this is toxic, if it in fact is just him being a jokster and me being awful at taking jokes)
Basically, I’m not giving too much context for sake of time-but he has joked about all kinds of things-from saying i smell (i definitely do not-everyone i know tells me that I smell like vanilla lol), offering to buy me new deodorant (again, I smell like vanilla)- he does have ocd and is super sensitive to smells. So I try really hard to keep this in mind and be understanding. Especially since ocd runs in my own family and my best friend has it severely.
He jokes about me taking him back to campus with me to “show him off”, he’s jokingly said i was “stout” (Im so not!) I did confront him about this. He’s also joked about having a concubine or being a concubine himself (this sounds so bad without context), but he’s joked that he wants to meet my friends (kind of undertones of him being interested in what they look like? maybe just me reading into it), he’s also joked that I was a slob (maybe ironic, because my room looks sterile?)
I don’t know-I feel bad. He’s so loving, despite the sometimes backhanded compliments and jokes. I definitely feel that he loves me-and he shows it in the other things he does and says.
I love him-but part of me wonders if I am putting up with toxicity and should end this now?
I desperately don’t want to-but I also never want to ignore potential red flags or signs that he isn’t being good in our relationship.
If anyone could give me any insight or thoughts-I’d really appreciate it!