Throw away because my boyfriend knows my reddit.
Last Thursday, my boyfriend (30M) and I (29F) were talking over a Homelander scene from our favorite superhero show. He’s big into superheroes and mentioned that if he was in that scene, he’d go down with the plane and the people on it. It was a deep moment for him, I guess, showing he’d sacrifice himself for others.
I’m a mom, so I saw it differently. I told him straight up that I’d do what Homelander did because I’ve got my daughter to live for. She’s my world, and I need to be here for her. Then he asked, “What about my sister and nephews? Aren’t they worth dying for?” As if his choice to die mid air and leave his family to live without him meant that he was living for his family. My response was, “Apparently not, you’re choosing to die on a plane full of strangers.” It was harsh, but I was trying to say my daughter comes first for me. Right after that, the call dropped, and things got weird.
I figured he’d call back, but he didn’t. I tried sending memes to lighten the mood, but for 2 days got nothing. After a bit, I texted him out of frustration, which I ended up apologizing for, and I called to see what was up, and he kept saying, “I’ll talk to you when I’m ready, you pissed me off.” I was confused but still empathetic. I asked if we were still good, if there was someone else. He didn’t answer to if there was another woman, but he said he didn’t want to break up; just said he’d talk when he’s ready.
Two days later, he’s finally ready to talk. I waited a bit, then called, and we cleared the confusion. Turns out he thought I meant his family wasn’t good enough when I said what I said about the plane. He called me his “so-called girlfriend”,said I shouldn’t look down on his family, and that I am the one responsible for our poor communication in the relationship. To be clear, I didn’t mean it that way—I was just answering the question from my perspective. I understood how he might of felt that way, but he didn’t communicate with me that he was upset. I told him this could’ve been avoided if he just told me how he felt. He agreed, and it seemed like we were moving past it, but then he drops that he hung out with a “female friend” the entire day after our first call. He didn’t tell me about it until after we made up.
So yeah, here I am, trying to figure out where we go from here. I feel betrayed, and question if this was cheating. For context him and this person are not particularly close. The woman in question lives in my same city, 2.5 hours away from my boyfriend. She picked him up and dropped him off. I trust my boyfriend but I also know he can be vindictive and vengeful.
What are your thoughts, is this considered cheating?
Edit: we’ve been together 1y3m. A rule in our relationship is to tell each other when we’re going to be hanging out with the OS beforehand. It’s not something I forced onto the relationship but something that we have discussed that we like about our relationship and makes us feel safe. I know that if I were to spend a minimum of 5 hours in a car with another male friend he would have a problem with me not saying anything, even if I was upset because we always say something even during disputes.
Him telling me after isn’t normal, and it feels like he did it just to hurt me because he was upset.
Edit: thank you everyone, I’ve decided to leave the relationship and seek healing for myself through the gym and therapy.Will give an update after the breakup to let you know how it went.