This post might be too long. But im losing my mind already. I don’t know if the problem is my brain, my heart, or whatever. I just want the pain to stop.
Little backstory; My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for 1 year. We had a lot of fights but it seems like we always got through it. We used to have sex a lot, have fun together, watch movies etc..
For a longggg time (since day 1)… i feel like im the one who always plan, make sure bills are paid, im the one who makes sure we have time to watch TV together, eat together, have sex. As i have said, we had a lot of that because I did it. I even have to plan my own bday parties/events. I have voiced out this problem MANY TIMES and he’ll try to do one thing ONE TIME and then that’s it.
Last couples therapy, i burst down crying and pretty much told the therapist and him that im really really tired emotionally, i feel neglected, i feel alone. My husband was so understanding during that time but as soon as we talked about it at home, it turns out to be an argument. Saying that he tries (yeah for maybe 1/2 times and then he’ll stop.)
After therapy yesterday, He’s been trying to kiss me, hug me.. but i dont know anymore… i feel disgusted by him, i feel like im hugging someone i just met. I am mad. Ive told him MANY TIME before that i feel like a roomate and he just tell me it’s my own problem.
When it comes to sex, i used to initiate it and then i stopped so we haven’t had sex for 1 month.
We have no kids…. Money is fortunately good for both of us so we dont have to stay “for that sake of finances.” Our families get a long, none of us cheats… So what is happening? So why are we still together? It seems like we both do not like it anymore. I hate him right now, he’s not the person i once dated but still being the person ive always dated —- does that makes sense?
Why am i still here? Im a healthcare worker so damn i can travel if i want to. I kept working on my marriage but when does it stop? When will he fight for us.
Ive been crying since this morning- i cant even look at him anymore, the point i wanna hurt myself so i can just end this pain.
10 comments
It sounds like it has been the same since day 1.. you just accepted it at day 1 and now you don’t. You’re wanting something you’ve never had from him. Is that possible?– maybe, maybe not.
No idea why someone would stay in a relationship that has never worked..
Divorce is better than harming yourself. Period.
Just so I understand, you’ve been doing the work and making social and couple plans since you first started dating? Knowing this, you married him a year ago, four years after you first started dating. Now married, you expect him to magically become someone he is not. Do I have this right?
I don’t think this is the man for you. I assume you are still young in your career and can go travel the world and be happy. Do that. Hugs.
The Internet usually says divorce is the answer.
… And in this case, it’s probably correct.
For real can you come up with one good reason to stay with him that’s not some variant of a sunk cost fallacy?
Sounds like yall got bored. You said you make time for yall to watch TV? Time to get out! Find a new hobby together, join a sports team, tackle a bucket list activity, find the spark!!
Here’s how I always advise people: If you had a daughter who was in the same situation, what would you tell her she should do?
I wish you well.
I’m going to give you advice I got myself literally yesterday for the same problem in my life; run him through this filter:
Love is from God. Lust is from the enemy.
Love can wait, lust needs it now.
Love is selfless, lust is selfish.
Love is giving, lust is taking.
True, genuine love will cost you.
Love is purity, lust is sin.
Love develops, lust destroys.
Love is peaceful, lust is full of anxiety.
Hope that helps you, it opened my eyes and got me out of my head to expose the truth of my relationship.
Sounds like it’s time. When you have to ask. It’s time. Start saving get your affairs in order. And good luck.
You deserve to be loved cherished and maybe even worshipped. Someone will give you that. You just have to know you deserve it. And can handle the alone time till it comes.
Really. I hate “just leave em” posts to strangers. That have no idea of what you have invested. Are owed or your worth.
But you have made your mind up. Go be loved like you deserve.
Honestly, I still love my husband, but I’m there with you. I asked my husband to bring me home ginger ale on his way home from work. He surprised me by also bringing me some Reese’s and I’m sitting here thinking that he rarely does something like that when I’m constantly picking up his favorite snacks and treats for him just because I want him to have something he likes. Last Frisay we went to the movies together for the first time in a very long time. I had to make it happen, of course, but I was still surprised he went because when I want to go to the movies or even watch something at home, he’s never up for it and I do it myself.
I think you know. And I’m sorry.