My bf (33m) and I (32f) have had an amazing, peaceful three years together. We recently have started bickering more and getting on each other’s nerves, all over small stuff. Our reactions have been really different to this rough patch. My boyfriend is inclined to spend less time together, with the thought that more space will keep our tensions at bay and get us back to a peaceful place. For what it’s worth, he is very conflict avoidant and shuts down during stress.
I instead want to spend time talking about our communication, how to work better together, give us a platform to vent safely, etc. I worry that just taking space without talking about why we’re annoying one another won’t fix anything. I also worry that our totally opposite approaches to this is incompatible. He says he doesn’t want to talk about it, and complains that I’m “always trying to talk everything into the ground.”
So I feel stuck: either I do nothing and worry we grow apart or never resolve our tension, or I press the issue and he resents me.
Tldr: partner and I can’t agree about how to address our recent tension
2 comments
Maybe he needs space for processing whatever it is you’re going through. I don’t think your two ’approaches’ are incomoatible per se, but communication is key in any relationship, and if he doesn’t want it AT ALL at any point then there wilk be difficulties moving forward.
This is completely normal. Read or listen to a book about relationships together. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is an oldie but goodie. You both just need to learn how the other deals with problems, and be more accepting of each other.