I (28m) broke up with my girlfriend (30f) of two years.
It was for several reasons, but the main reason being that I just felt nothing. Nothing at all. Whenever we would kiss or hold hands it was just skin on skin. Metal on metal. As if she could have been a stranger. Hardly the fire that I used to feel when I was a teenager.
Prior to this relationship I was single for about a year and a half and I went through several women but I didn’t go into a relationship because I knew I didn’t feel anything for them. They were attractive, funny, good people, but I just couldn’t feel anything more. Then I met my most recent ex and we got a long very well, also very attractive, Philippina, we met at work, and I actually tried to fall in love. I thought to myself “maybe if I just go through the motions, like bringing her her favourite ice cream, taking her on dates, remembering the little things she likes and reminding her, taking trips and vacations together, ill fall in love somehow.”I thought this girl was perfect. I want to fall in love, I want kids, I want a family.
Two years later and I still felt the same. I couldn’t keep going like this and it wasn’t fair to her, she had done nothing wrong, and she didn’t deserve this.
Im scared of being alone at the end of my life with no one to love or hold dear. But im not about to lie about my feelings to someone just because I dont want to be alone.
I remember as a teenager or even in my early twenties when I would have a crush on a girl id go crazy. My hands would shake, I would stutter, my brain wouldnt function, because I felt so much emotion.
Is this just what growing up feels like?
I dunno. Maybe I’m tired, maybe my heart is tired, maybe it’s all this social media poisoning my brain somehow that I will find this “true love” somewhere.
Anyway,
Let me know if any of you out there feel the same way or have felt the same way in the past and got out?
Would love to hear your thoughts.