I am a 21 year old male, I have experienced trauma since I was a child my family was broken home, I was only at home 24 hours not allowed to go out to play with other children (now I am a hikikimori), I have experienced depression & anxiety which is very crippling since I was a child, I often experienced bullying because I was a quiet child.
Now I have severe anxiety & depression, suicidal ideation every day, can’t get out of bed, when I socialize people say I’m weird because I’m shaking, my heart rate is high, I’m moody, I just stay quiet, I have panic attacks & feel very uncomfortable can’t relax 24 hours, feel anxious for no reason (this interferes with my social life, work & school).
now i want to change, what should i do? i am insecure because i am not tall my height is 5’7, i am not attractive, i want to change to be attractive how? my life is boring, i just dropped out of college because i have no money & now unemployed.
activities now only in rotting rooms 24 hours, I have scheduled therapy tomorrow.
I only have 1 friend, I want to be normal, have friends, girlfriend & change my life
I’ve tried oscillating & dating, I get severe panic attacks it messes up my relationships, I think when I become attractive I’ll be confident in myself
thank you please advise, if things don’t improve I plan to end my life at 22, but I want to try to change things.
tldr: I am a short, quiet, boring & poor man, I want to change