Hello! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post about this but it feels like it’s getting more and more difficult over the last few months.
So, my gf (35) and I (32) have been dating for about 9 months now and we’ve had this amazing connection when it comes to personality, vibes, sense of humor, etc. We are both in the same tight friend group and have had very few issues or fights. Generally, we get along super well. But, our sex life is not great.
She is much more interested in having sex than I am. For a while I thought there was just some poor timing that led to it not happening very frequently (being sick, rough life moments, being out of town). But now I feel as if there is something more to it.
She thinks it’s funny to tease me about sexy time. Especially in public. She doesn’t make anyone else aware of it but likes to lean in and whisper things to make me uncomfortable in the moment because she enjoys seeing me blush. Other times we are by ourselves but while enjoying a non-sexy moment, she blurts out a “want me to suck your dick?” I know this should be hot to most guys but it’s always so out of the blue and not hot to me and makes me feel uncomfortable.
I’ve usually been able to laugh it off but more recently it’s been surrounded by other minor criticisms that she has of me (not sexually related), followed by a very explicit proposition. It doesn’t make me feel sexy and it doesn’t put me in the mood. I feel like she is trying to tell me something she doesn’t like about me and then tries to follow it up by, “can I suck your dick?”
I almost never criticize her. I think she’s wonderful and she has also lived a much more difficult life than I have. I want to be compassionate for her and I think that some of the trauma that she’s shared with me has made me feel like making a move is not a good idea.
She’s also been very clear about shutting down moves I’ve tried to make and so I’ve kind of given up on initiating intimacy. I almost always let her lead.
I feel stuck. I’m very attracted to my girlfriend but I don’t initiate. I also don’t like the way she initiates. We’ve tried talking about it but everything I’ve laid out is a problem: I don’t initiate enough, but I’m not receptive enough to her initiations.
I guess my question is, has anyone been through this? Is there a specific angle I can take when talking about this with her? I really don’t want to hurt her feelings but it’s also been becoming quite uncomfortable for the both of us recently.