(There is a TLDR at the bottom).
Hello, this is going to be LONG because it’s a lot. I never dated just to add, so I want to hear advice from people that are dating.
So I’m a 2nd year college student and I have been friends with this girl for a year. It may not seem a lot but we were super close. When I mean close, I mean tight-knit. She even said that I just “get her”. She is a wild girl and boy crazy, I am very shy.
She started talking to this guy around summer 23 and started officially dated him around winter. I always felt funny about him. Whenever she FT me and introduced myself to him, he would never say hi or even acknowledge me unless it’s something rude/sarcastic to me or both of us. However, me being myself, I always say hello.
When we met in person (because she wanted me to come over to her house), he was chill. We would small talk or smoke weed. The next day, me and her were talking and she straight up said “he don’t like you”. I knew he don’t like me, I honestly don’t like him either but she went “No, he don’t like you for these reasons”:
1. I didn’t pay her for doing my hair (I asked her and she said no)
2. I come in her house and act like I run everything (I literally sat on the floor. I don’t do anything at other people’s houses because different houses, different rules. I am very shy and have manners)
3. I’m making excuses not to get a job (I finally have a job now but at the time, my parents did not want me working while at college. If I do, Lord knows how they would act. My friend knows how my parents can be.)
4. I “exposed myself” to him. (A LIE. I was changing to her costume because she works at a job we both wanted to work at. While in the restroom, I couldn’t close the door because it was broken. There was a big chair out of the way and no matter how many times I would move it, it will still be in the way. So I tried to shut the door as best I can and hide myself. I was not thinking of him or even thought of doing such a thing).
I was genuinely distraught and disturbed and honestly, hurt. I would never do any of those things, friend or not. I tried to explain my reasoning and she said “he’s a Leo, he grew up poor so he like hard workers, and he’d be grateful for an apology because he had girls that would do that.”
I apologized to him saying even though there was no malicious intent and I did not see him, I understand how he felt and I’m very sorry I made him feel that way. He just left me on delivered.
Fast forward to her friend birthday party, I started having a panic attack while under the influence. I never had a panic attack until that moment and it was out of my control. She told me to call her boyfriend and I did. It’s 11 PM and I am frantically calling him to pick me up, crying, and apologizing every second for waking him up/bothering his space. He said “alright” and then she told me “he’s not picking you up”. I asked “why?” she said:
1. He thinks I’m rude.
2. I’m disrespecting their relationship.
3. I’m always expecting something from him
4. The girls at her job and her friends know about the exposure incident and think I’m fake/a man stealer.
The next day, I asked her what does she means by those things. She said:
1. He thinks I’m rude because I said “yeah” to him a certain way. (He asked if he can drop me off and I was like “Yeah! :)”)
2. I’m disrespecting their relationship (I never disrespected their relationship. Nor do I intend to. I want to see my friend happy, whether I don’t like the guy or not. When they need help or support, I am here.)
3. I’m always expecting something from him (I never asked him to pick me up or drop me off only like 1-2 times. I am always happy to take an uber or take the bus. Usually THEY/HE themselves do that.)
4. I told her that my friends think HE should’ve spoke up or cover his eyes. I asked her why didn’t he speak up and she said:
“Because he doesn’t have to. At the end of the day, there are things you can’t do that I can. You are the girlfriend’s friend. Your friends and family are just telling these excuses so they won’t hurt your feelings. If you’re gonna have act a certain way because you’re high or tipsy, then don’t work with me at all. In fact, don’t even do it in public.”
I was hurt. VERY hurt. Because this girl have seen me through so much and known me for so much (She have seen me high/tipsy A LOT, she knows I am not the greatest with guys or girls lol etc etc), so for her to just throw it away… hurt a lot. I blocked both of their numbers. Right now, I’m just asking y’all was I being disrespectful? Am I tripping?
TLDR: I had to cut off my best friend (and her boyfriend) because of her boyfriend accusing me of “disrespecting their relationship” and things I never done or even thought about doing and she kinda believes those accusations, even to the point of yelling over me when I was trying to explain myself. It hurt me a lot because she knows how I am, yet threw it all away.