My wife and I went on a small hike this morning in the woods with our dog and very soon into this I was overcome with some emotions and needed to take a break and be by myself and sit by the water.
She went ahead with the dog and everything was fine until we got to the waterfall at the end of the hike, I stared at that waterfall for a while before I couldn’t hold it in anymore and began to cry and break down quietly to myself. My wife then asked me what was wrong and even though I Tried not to talk about it. I finally did open up and a lot of stuff came out. She was very nice about it in the beginning but I guess it eventually got to be too much and I felt like a burden
Later on the way back to the car she was very quiet and I asked her what was wrong as it seemed that she was mad at me. The first thing she said was about my emotional moment at the waterfall. You see I’ve been dealing with a lot of childhood trauma that I had repressed most of my life. Just a really harsh feeling that nobody was ever truly there for me in my life. While I was very loved by my parents, it always felt like it was never okay that I was just me and not their idea of what I was supposed to be. And that’s been fucking with me very hard lately and I had a weak moment at this waterfall.
Going back to the conversation with my wife, she told me that she was always there for me and was mad at me for not including her in my emotional outpouring. I thought it was obvious I was talking about my childhood and not her. and even explained to her that I always appreciated her and she wasn’t included in this, but she instead made it about her anyway and continued to also to say “Sometimes you just have to suck it up and give your family a nice day” and blamed me for having this weak moment for the fact that the hike didn’t go as she wanted it to.
I have no idea how to feel about this. It’s so fucking painful that I had this whole emotional breakdown over people not being there for me to the one person that is and has been there for me many times and now following this interaction I feel like that might be gone now as well…
Am I expecting too much of my wife, Am I being too much of an emotional burden and overthinking things here
This is my first time ever coming to reddit for help in matters like this and I’d appreciate any help or insight I can get . Thank you
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