For a bit of background, I’ve known my gf for about two years and we started seeing each other last summer, and have been dating exclusively for 4 months. We’re a really good team and we are both working on growth professionally and personally through therapy and do a good job at motivating each other.
Sporadically and recently she has been exhibiting jealousy when we’ve gone out. We’ll go hang with people, have a great time, and when we get home she makes these strange reaches to connect dots that don’t exist (ex. I compliment another woman’s coat or hold a door for a girl).
Last night after the Super Bowl things got a little deeper. I essentially found out why she’s in therapy. We got home and she started asking about one of my exes whom she’s never met. Asking about the duration and if I have contact and if I still love her. This caught me by complete surprise because I never mention my ex and we haven’t had contact in several years, essentially I’ve healed.
She then explained why things ended for her with the last guy she loved. And essentially she never wanted the relationship to end but she was unfaithful. She explained that the cheating occurred while she was away for her best friends funeral, and her ex did not respond or reach out and it was a time of weakness. She hooked up with a mutual friend in grief.
I’m not judging her actions, but now I feel it’s changed her psychology and she is just digging to make sure she doesn’t experience infidelity on my end. I feel she can work through that in therapy and these episodes should become less frequent. That said, I can’t get over this thought that our relationship is unstable. I spent the night lying awake wondering if I am able to ignore the significance of her ex. I feel she isn’t over it and because he lives locally in the city we’re in there’s a chance he could walk back into her life despite her promising and committing to demonstrating she doesn’t want to lose me.
So where do I take this if I’m not optimistic about MY limits with this? Is a break this early a bad sign or would it give us the breathing room to sort things out? Honestly anything helps because I’ve had an amazing time with this girl and she has been extremely productive about building a life with me since we’ve been together.
TL;DR my girlfriend of 4 months just shared that she cheated on the last person she loved and it’s the only reason the relationship ended. I feel she may still have feelings for him. How do I proceed?