I (27m) have been feeling so lonely lately. I recently moved back to my hometown to live nearby my 3 brothers, parents, and friends. I have a way nicer apartment. I also switched jobs and had a pretty substantial pay raise. I work as an ER Nurse. The reason I moved back was because of how lonely I was feeling and because I am very close to my family. Working in the ER taught me that nothing is guaranteed and that you should value every moment you can with your loved ones as you never know what can happen. With these changes I have more time with my family and ways to distract myself, but I still feel so alone.
In February of this year, I ended a 2 year long relationship with a girl that I truly loved. The reason I ended it was due to the constant mental strain that was put on me due to her intense insecurities and constant accusations of cheating (I have never cheated in my life). This really broke me down as for 2 years I attempted to talk to her, spent most of my freetime with her, and went to therapy sessions with her. I put everything into it and eventually realized that it wasn’t going to change. She struggled with the fact that I had female friends and worked with mainly females, which comes naturally being a male nurse. It caused me become very insecure myself, made me have a constant cloud over my head of the next time that she would blow up accusing me of cheating, and I realized that I was not happy anymore. So even after ending that relationship, I can’t help but look back and be sad about the good times and what could have been. I wanted her to be the person that I could marry one day and eventually have kids with.
It’s only been about 3 months and it’s been very difficult for me to try and get back out there.
Either way, lately I’ve been having an urge to fill this void I have inside me to find someone to love. I don’t have the greatest experiences with dating apps, but I also want to make sure I’m in a good place for myself before trying to find somebody. The only thing I feel insecure about is my weight. I gained 50lbs while in my last relationship and I attribute that to multiple things and I’m currently down 10lbs in a month of exercising and eating better.
I don’t have an issue meeting new people, but I just want to find a good partner that is kind, trusting, loving, and motivated to build a life with. I can say I’m nervous to try and put myself out there, but I just don’t know if it’s the right time.
This was a bit of a rant, but helped me to express the way I’m feeling. If you read this far, thank you for reading. And any recommendations, comments, or ideas are appreciated.
2 comments
Hey brother, I’m going to share my story because its similar to yours in a way and I always find a little solace in knowing I am not alone in life.
I moved away from my hometown (near a large city) about 4 years ago when my parents retired to Florida, I hated it, moved to another city on the east coast and then covid happened and I broke up with my girlfriend of just over a year before moving to Florida because I couldn’t do the LDR. So I was single for quite a while.
Last summer I got a really nice and well paying job in the city that I grew up near but most of my friends and family had moved away except one of my best friends who was in a long-term serious relationship so I barely saw him.
After sitting in my apartment for a month I knew I had to get out or I would go crazy and fall back into my depression. I joined groups for meeting new people, joined sports leagues, and dating apps (sadly). I met so many awesome people through my groups some of which I am still very good friends with almost a year later. The dating side however has been nothing short of a disaster. From ghosting, rejection, using me to get to a friend, the list goes on.
Each time has felt a bit harder to get back on the saddle and try again but I feel miserable if I am not trying to find someone special which puts me in this weird rollercoaster of emotions. I am constantly chasing the dragon. I meet someone either at an event or dating app. We talk a bit and hit it off. Go on a date and then they either ghost me or we go out a few more times and then “its just not a fit” “There is no chemistry” – it can be really demoralizing. Even as we write this I had two dates that (I thought) were great and had 3rd dates planned with both of them and they both dropped off the planet.
Not saying it to scare you away from it but just know that it is a struggle and you’ll have to really steel yourself. I’m still trying to work on caring less about the result but its tough for me.
Wish you the best luck my man. Maybe you’ll get lucky and meet someone special in the first few. But if not, just know that it’s not just you. Just be yourself and you’ll attracted the person you are meant to attract.
if it makes u feel better. I moved to entirely different country at the age of 19 all by myself in 2014. And since then i’ve been pretty much by myself and only 1 person who i can call a friend.