I don’t know if this post belongs here. There’s not a specific situation going on but I’m feeling somewhat lost regarding my relationship.
Me (23F) and my girlfriend (28F) have been dating for two years now and since we became official things have been serious between us, we have been living together for over a year. Since she’s a bit older than me she told from the start that she doesn’t have time to date around anymore and wants to be with someone who will commit for the long run. I don’t have trouble committing to things/people so this seemed fine to me. We’ve discussed marriage and talked about our future together (although we’re not planning to get married anytime soon). However, we do fight quite a lot and every time we do I start to feel lost and question whether I’m doing the right thing by staying with her. I know she wants someone who can commit to her, and although I want to be that person, sometimes I’m not so sure that I can put up with fighting so much. For context, of the two of us she’s the most impatient one and gets moody and annoyed very easily, which she recognizes and knows she has to work on it. I’m somewhat more calm and patient and usually the one who reaches out to make things right. However, I feel like my mood and wellbeing depend on her to an extent that might be unhealthy. For example, whenever we have fights at night we usually don’t make up because she’s still angry, so when I try to go to sleep I just can’t fall asleep and stay awake probably til 4 am, when I have to wake up at 6:00 to go to school and work, just because I feel uneasy that things aren’t ok between us and I can’t hug her at night. It is then that I start feeling this way, like I don’t know that I can put up with this for the rest of my life, and start thinking that I’m too young and should be meeting more people before I commit. I have had a few other relationships in the past where people were shitty, and this is the first time I really felt appreciated and cared for in a romantic relationship. She’s also much more mature than other girls i’ve been with and have a lot in common, which is why I fell in love with her in the first place. Despite these doubts, I’ve stayed in this relationship because I guess I have hope that she’ll change and work on her temperament, and that we’ll be able to communicate better between us.
So my question is, how do people know when enough is enough? I don’t want to break up with her out of impulse and regret it later, but I also don’t want to stay here forever if nothing’s going to change despite her saying it will.
Tl;dr: getting tired of fighting with my gf but have hope that she will change even though she hasn’t, don’t know when/if i should end things
1 comment
I would have an honest conversation with her about how you’re feeling. Tell her that it makes you very uneasy when the two of you fight, and while she might not want to make up right away, maybe the two of you can find middle ground in how you bring up these issues. Or at least say, “thanks for letting me know, let me think about this more before saying something that I don’t mean.” Maybe you two can set aside time to discuss hard topics and gain perspective on how / why each other are upset and what actions may avoid it in the future. If she continues to be very stubborn, it may be time to move on. If you find yourself thinking about dating others often, maybe you already have mentally checked out and it is time to move on.