We met around 4 months ago at a friend’s house and talked all night, it was a superficial attraction but I teased him a lot that evening, he even slept over and nothing physical even happened. We also realized that we had a lot in common so it wasn’t ‘small talk. When we woke up that morning he had a date planned in the evening which he canceled (I learned that a bit later though) We spent the morning together. After that day togethe we started texting & he had a business trip coming up but he still made time for a date night, we went out for some drinks then, we were supposed to go bowling, but I told him to come over instead. He did, we still didn’t do anything physical that evening. Then more texting, more dates, things started getting more interesting. We were exclusive a month and a half in. I really got along with his friends, particularly the girls. I became closer to them, and particularly his girl best friend (who is also in a weird relationship with his guy friend who he recently also moved in with, with another friend). The girl and I got really close, we even cuddleD I don’t know if this is at all relevant. He says he is straight but we all have some doubts, and he has a rather mysterious relationship with his guy friend (the roommate, but not the girl’s bf). The closer I got to his girl best friend the more him and I started to drift so I decided to talk to him about it and he kept denying that anything was bugging him but at some point he blurted out that he thought that the relationship between me and him was moving too fast. I gave him some space and a week later he came back saying that he was acting weird last weekend and brushed it off.
Then, came my birthday, him and the girl did a lot of cute stuff for. We had a good time but he was tired, his work is rather demanding. I also started a new job. The weekend was heavy and he drank quite a lot as well (plus other things), and I just felt his vibe was off. He didn’t stay over that weekend because the girl stayed at mine along with their other friend who was visiting town and the three of us girls decided that we’d stay at mine.
When things calmed down, on Tuesday, he came over. My friend had just come back and wanted to pass by, so we all had dinner together at mine and then she left. I could see that he was extremely anxious/tired/feeling down so I asked him what’s up a couple of times until he said that he felt “empty”, he didn’t seem much talkative so we watched our show, cuddled, etc. Next day I asked him if I could pass by his place, I went and got him a few plants which he wanted for his new room, some of my big boxes for storage, a book, his favorite ravioli. He was feeling sad I could tell so before I had to leave we cuddled a big so we did and then I went to the bathroom and by the time I was back he had made the bed, which to me felt like a purposeful block to any further affection.
I sent him a message saying that I felt bad about the bed situation to which he replied that he was sorry and that he will be more communicative with me about how he feels because I also mentioned that. I gave him some space and we had a date planned on Saturday to watch a movie. We talked from Wednesday through Saturday but I know that he was drinking with his friends most evenings. He had also mentioned to me before many times how he wants to meet new people and make other friends.
When we met on Saturday he said that he was feeling depressed and then revealed that he was confused about how he feels about me. That he really likes me but thinks there should be more. I asked him if he ever experienced anything more and he said no and that he doesn’t know how it’s supposed to feel. He said that I was everything he wanted. We share common goals, interests, values and were just happy seeing each other, the attraction was also there but he still felt like something was missing. I told him these things take time to grow, he initially agreed but I felt like he had made up his mind. He said he needs a few days to think about how he feels. I said okay and we both left, we didn’t watch the movie.
My friend came over and we spent the night thinking things through. His girl friend which had become my closest friend in the city by that time came over the next day and stayed the night after she had visited her bf (his roommate), they’re also confused about their relationship but things are getting better. She stays over at my place most nights, she has her stuff here. We talked about it and we were both equally confused, but we knew deep down that he is weird emotionally. She also saw him when she was at her bf’s place and he seemed off to her. Like a totally different person, we both agreed to this because he felt the same when I saw him Saturday.
I texted him saying that I wouldn’t wait more than a day or two because it’s anxiety inducing, we agreed to meet Monday evening. I also know he went for drinks between Saturday and Sunday. We didn’t text much on Sunday but we texted throughout the day on Monday. He came in the evening, it was awkward and he said that he didn’t really think about it, got distracted instead. I figured. He then said that his feelings haven’t changed, he likes me, but he doesn’t think he will be able to love me, so he thinks we should break up. We did, and I knew we would. But he stayed over and, for the first time in a while, we had intense eye contact. He cried a lot and kept saying how he wished this would’ve worked out, how much he likes me, how sad he is. I cried and he felt so bad, so everytime I’d cry he’d cry. Also he mentioned previously that his friend (the girl) was acting like nothing was going on when she went to their place, how it hurt him that she didn’t check up on him because she’s his best friend, so I talked to her and he doesn’t know that she stayed over. But then she texted him and he started thanking me for telling her to talk to him. He just seemed so anxious, he was so vulnerable and it took a break up for him to be able to do that. He stayed the night. He also mentioned multiple times how we’d see each other again, be friends in the future, that he’s glad I’m friends with the girls of his group. I kept joking that next time, hopefully, I’ll meet him with the love of his life, stupid childish jokes if you will. When I woke up this morning, I cried a bit and he held me, then I mentally checked out and started getting ready to leave. He was super anxious, he cried too. He wanted to kiss me or hug me and I just couldn’t, he felt even more bad I think. We walked to the tram stop together and the last thing he said was that he wished me all the best, and that he meant it.
I’m really confused, what would you do in my place?