I’ve (M 27) recently noticed a trend with my dating experiences over the last 3 years. Whenever I begin speaking to someone new online from the various dating apps (tinder, bumble hinge, etc), I’m able to strike very good conversations with females and keep them well engaged and eager to meet me, plenty of them even showing signs of infatuation after just 1-2 days of talking before they even see me physically. I usually get comments along the lines of “you’re so funny” , “I feel something different with you” & “I can’t wait to meet you!!” etc but then after the first date, the girls begin acting differently (uninterested) and some even ghosting.
I tried assessing whether I acted any differently on the date to over text and couldn’t see what I was doing wrong. I tried different dates from getting drinks, to going for walks and even going for a drive and usually the same thing still happens afterwards where they’re no longer interested despite being so intensely sure they liked me before the first date.
The only thing I could think of was maybe my appearance and that I may not look as good as my dating profile. I asked a few friends and they didn’t seem to notice anything different between my profile and me in person but perhaps they may not want to hurt my confidence. This doesn’t happen with EVERY single date, there are 1 or 2 that want to meet for a second date but around 80-85% of them are usually not interested afterwards despite being so keen and excited before the 1st meet up.
The latest date I had yesterday was the same. She (F 23) was so excited to meet me and we even stayed up till 5am texting each other only for her to start giving me one word messages after we met when I tried to maintain the conversation.
Or could I be doing something wrong?
TL;DR: I’ve been going a on a lot of dates with girls from dating apps that seemed intensely interested in me before we first met only to then ghost me or not be interested afterwards. The percentage of this seems too high (around 80-85%) but I can seem to identify what the issue could be and even tried different types of dates so now wondering if maybe it’s even my appearance not being as good as my dating profile.
5 comments
Send me a picture of u In a dm
Dating apps are made so that you never find your match so you spend more time in the app.
Ask for a review on r/Tinder and post a current pic as well
First, stop calling adult women “females” and “girls”- that’s a huge turnoff and could be indicative of a larger issue like misogyny or just how you treat them in general. Do you stare at other women while on dates? Are you rude to servers? Are you able to hold conversations in person? Are you respectful to your dates? If none of those are issues, are you picking women with whom you have shared interests or is just looks based? When you’re on the date do you talk about the future and have absolutes like no marriage/no children? I’m just throwing out ideas of what possibly could be happening, not accusing you of anything. I doubt it’s your appearance.
Just to get this out of the way – do you give your – real – height on apps? It shouldn’t be an issue, but it is, so make sure that’s not the issue.
If not, why don’t you just ask? I mean, you can’t blow it with a girl who’s not interested so why not just ask for honesty feedback about why the change in temp?
Explain to her you want to grow and become a better person so it would help if she told you what the deal is.
OFC she owes you nothing – so don’t demand to know why, and don’t push If she’s rather just move on, but, if you have nothing to lose and insight to gain, maybe just ask.