What mistake did you ladies make in your social life (friendships, relationships, family) in the past? Would you change what happened?

12 comments

1. Overshare. Thinking that oversharing = being open = approachable and friendly. I was so wrong. The best friendships come from gradually getting to know one another and growing together!

2. Chasing someone for a relationship. Never again. If someone wants you, then you will not need to chase them. They will just be there for you. I wouldn’t change what happened though. It was a valuable lesson

3. I regret not breaking a vase or two at a “relative’s” home. One day, I’ll get my revenge.

4. I tolerated toxic friendships waaay too long. One day i just had a thought, “if a boyfriend behaved like this I would have dumped them ages ago.” Somehow things clicked into place after that and I felt justified in giving up on those friendships.

5. I played the “pick me” dance because I was trying to be understanding and also scared of losing someone I loved. I will never do that again.

   Ladies, if it’s not a “hell yes”, it’s a “fuck no”

6. I’d do everything differently. Friendships and social life in general felt so strategic to me. I thought that’s how it was for everyone. The harder I tried to solidify myself in a “best friend” position the more I pushed people away or did things that were unlikeable. I never really learned how to make amends. I just moved on entirely. I felt bitter because anytime I was treated badly there never seemed to be ramifications for that person from the rest of the friend group to back me up, but when it was the other way around I was ostracized. Sucks to be in your thirties and not have anyone from your younger years to reminisce with or have a decades long bond with someone.

7. Not knowing how to set boundaries and tolerating a lot of mistreatment from both friends and romantic partners. I didn’t know I was experiencing emotional abuse in my last relationship until months after it was over. My biggest regret was not ending the relationship. He ended it and I wish I could at least be proud that I left that relationship, but I didn’t. I wanted to stay and fight, for what, I can’t even tell you now.

8. I assumed that by being generous with friends/family in need, they would return the support when I struggled. It turns out friends and family learned to use me as a default expectation. When I cut off that one-sided support, I was no longer useful for them to have around.

9. Being a “people pleaser”. Sometimes you have to say no and its okay.

10. Tried too hard to connect to people who obviously didn’t feel the same way about me.

    I moved to a city that is 300km away from my home town (which is considered far in my little country) and thought for years that I had close friends from school. Whenever I came to visit my family I would call and try to make plans and I’d see some of them. I also tried really hard to stay in contact generally.

    It started bothering me that none of them would ever call or text me, but I was the one who had moved away so whatever. I only realized that we had a different understanding of our friendship when I learned that some of them visited the city I lived in fairly often and that they even had made a trip all together without ever calling me and telling me they were there.

11. Trusting people, especially the ones who were “supposed” to love me. When I opened up to those people, I was ridiculed and mocked, and in no way comforted. I have a personality disorder because of that type of treatment for most of my formative years. Now as an adult, I’m doing my best to heal and not do that same sort of bullshit to my kids. At least I was taught what kind of parent to not be 🙂

12. I’m too honest. I will always tell the truth and although people say they want the truth they lie. No one wants to hear the truth.