Hi Reddit, me (f22) and my Boyfriend (m27) have been together for a couple of months now. We dated briefly beginning of 2023 but ended it because he has severe mental issued due to his upbringing/childhood/ex girlfriend. After we ended the relationship and some time had passed, we remained good friends because we trusted each other and noticed that we both needed each other in our lives.
Now, the issue with my Boyfriend is that he has issues feeling any sort of emotional attachment after his past relationship and upbringing which is why we broke up in the first place. He is a good person at heart and it killed him not being able to feel anything for me even though he tried so hard.
We got back together in October after spending some time together where we both noticed that the feelings had developed again. He was scared because his head was telling him to run away but he did everything in his power and fought and stayed and finally let me in and began to trust me with his emotions. He always tells me that hes never had anyone stay as long as i have even though we broke up, fight some times and everything else. My main priority has been to show him what being loved feels like because he has never really had anyone show him before. He is amazing to me. He takes care of me, holds me when im overthinking (i have abandonment issues) and makes me a better person.
Now to the Problem; these last couple of weeks have been really hard on us. We are both open to the idea of opening the relationship because we are not a fan of monogamy. This has always been a topic between us but we are currently having issues with finding the right balance and rules which we are both okay with. Last week, he said something that completely broke my heart. I was having a bad day and we were in a discussion and he said that he isnt sure if he wants to be in a relationship at the moment. It broke my heart but I told him that we are going through a tough time and this too will pass (whenever one of us is struggling with out issues, the other one is reassuring so this is completely normal not just me ignoring the red flags)I told him that ill always be here for him like I promised and he hugged me and all was good.
Now, hes on Vacation for the next 3 weeks and we’ve had a huge fight that gave me the feeling that he does not want to be in a relationship anymore. The fight was my fault (i was insecure and blamed him instead of talking about it normally) I texted him (he wouldnt answer my calls) and told him that im giving him an out if he really doesnt want this relationship because of what he said. I told him that he wouldnt loose me as a person and that I will always love him even if us together is doing him more harm than good. Now he is REALLY angry at me and i think i fucked up.
All i want to do is call him and talk to him but he said he needed space and Im trying to give it to him. Help… did i fuck up his trust?