Fiancé’s irresponsibility worries me..
My (F36) fiancé (M36) is a great guy.. very kind, thoughtful, present, and attentive. We’ve been together for three years.
There are, however, some practical things that really frustrate me about him. He is pretty disorganized.. sloppy, time management needs work, and he has outstanding debt that he’s been neglecting for years and when I checked our state court records, I noticed that they are at the point of trying to garnish his wages.
His irresponsibility comes off as childish and makes me unable to trust him. I also find it unattractive.
I feel like a lot of women are told to “help out” when it comes to getting a man organized but I really don’t have any interest in managing or even straightening out someone else’s finances, calendar, commitments, or routine. I have worked hard to get my own shit in order and I just want someone who takes that same initiative.
It worries me because I know that the way someone handles finances can pretty much make or break a marriage. I’m afraid that his financial irresponsibility will end up affecting me.. his credit isn’t that great and he’s moving so slowly to improve his credit (despite my advice on how to raise his credit score faster). This means that we have to use my credit for everything.
He makes decent money so this isn’t a matter of being broke.
We even put a purchase on my credit and split the cost 50/50. I paid my half off in three months. He took over a year despite having more than enough money to pay it off sooner. I fought with him to stop making minimum payments and warned him that after a year, interest will apply to the account.
Guess what? A year in, interest hit and he ended up costing himself an extra $400. I was super annoyed because it was unnecessary and my credit also took a small hit due to balance going up.
I honestly don’t want to assume the role of the relationship’s house manager/secretary/accountant. I want us to operate like TWO responsible adults that help each other out when needed and work towards shared financial goals.
I’m torn because he is a great guy. I just hate that he bullshits around in these areas. I had to have a fit just for him to utilize his iphone calendar so that he can stop missing appointments and payment due dates.
It’s crazy because he’s great with holidays, birthdays, planning trips, etc. He has never let me down in those areas. It’s just clear that with practical, everyday matters, he struggles.
I could use some perspective. Any advice? How should I approach this? Should I bite the bullet and get him organized? Idk what to do or think here. Can this be fixed?
TL;DR Fiancé struggles with practical matters and I don’t want to become his personal secretary. I’m worried that this irresponsibility will affect me in the long run.