So used apps before but I really started being proactive in my dating life 1-2 yrs ago. Like everyone else I struggled a lot with dating apps. Not much success at first. I am a European expat in North America, so I stand out a little bit, which I guess got me a few dates.
At some point I really spent time making a good profile, taking good photos, and thinking more about what to say on my bio. And it worked ! I started getting a lot more matches, even though I have a very average body, quite skinny but not ugly I think. Also I am educated, got a job making good money, live by myself, and I travelled a lot.
So I started going on more and more dates, I got more used to asking girls out, and I fine tuned my first date routine. For some girls, there was no alchemy at first, which is fine. I got a few fun/awkward stories, which is always nice to tell afterwards. There was this girl that I was trying to give a compliment to, but I ended up accidentaly insulting her. There was this girl, who seemed very nervous, didn’t start a single conversation and ended up cutting the date short. There was this very friendly girl, who, 15min into the date, started telling me a travel story about people vomitting in a bus.
This stories, I don’t mind them, I do like them actually. They’re awkward, but they’re teaching me a lot. I learned a lot about flirting, about my preferences, about who I better go along with.
But then, there are the other ones. The ones where there’s actually a good vibe and I could see myself spending a lot more time with.
And I can never make it work with those either…
One of those girl was, out of pure luck, working in my company. She was as introverted as me, we shared a lot, she texted me every day and I loved that. We went on 4 dates, and nothing happened, no touching, no kissing, no flirting either. At the end I think both of us were tired of it not going anywhere. We just stopped texting each other at the same time.
Then there was this other one, lots of energy, a bit sarcastic, and very artsy, I was really into all of that. She was a bit more physically forward, and I tried to reciprocate. On the third time, I invited her at my place for dinner and movie. First time I invite a girl at my place, so everything was perfect. We watched the movie, and our fingers touched, but that was it. We talked a bit after, but I was too uncomfortable to make a move. She left and I never saw her again. I think I wasn’t that much attracted to her physically though.
Ok the next one is big regret for me. We talked on the app the first night for a few hours with such a great vibe, I never felt that for any other girl. Unfortunately, she was just visiting and already went home, to a city 6hr from me. But we kept talking, and we even called each other. There was such a good energy between us, I said fuck it, the next weekend I booked some tickets and I went to that city, to visit and to see her at night. I think that was my best date, perfect chemistry and we both had so much fun. We talked about personal stuff and relationships, which I always struggle to talk about. And the way back I walked her home, she was being a bit physical, and I could tell she was waiting for a kiss at the end. I don’t know why I didn’t give it to her, but I got scared, turned away and I kept walking. It’s kinda funny but I remember her face, not understanding what’s happening, as she see me walking away. We called each other a couple times since, but the energy is not really there anymore…
Huuuh who’s left ? I guess there are a couple more girls that followed a very similar pattern. Great first date (Did I mention I am really good at first dates ?), then the chemistry kinda falls down as I struggle to make any move. I go to the date convincing myself I am going to kiss her, but 2min before leaving I think of some stupid reason and convince myself that it’s not going to happen. And obviously, they never make the move themselves. And then after 4-5 dates, I try to invite them at my place, and they send me a rejection text…
I know my problem is with physicallity and not making any moves. I never had sex and never been in a relationship, which doesn’t make things easier. I did kiss a few girls, mostly after a few drinks, which does help a lot to remove my anxiety. I only tried to kiss once at the end of date, and it was the worst kiss I’ve ever had, she rejected me the next day lol. Doesn’t help with the self esteem.
Anyway, I am not that depressed compared to a lot of people here, a bit tired to always get rejected, but I am quite hopeful and I am always excited when I start a new relationship. But I feel like most men don’t have that kind of problems ? Once they get on more that one date, things are mostly done ? At least that’s the feedback I get from most of my friends (male and female). Anybody got any advice to overcome this physical anxiety, especially during a date ? I also struggle a lot to talk about these sort of things unfortunately