I 24F have dated my boyfriend 25M for 3 years.
Our entire relationship, we have lived seperately. I have had my own place, and he decided to live at home to finish his masters degree in order to avoid taking out a student loan. I have craved starting a life together for so long, but have waited for him 2 years because i love him.
Two times has he agreed to look for rental apartments and when we get one he backs out. The first time, he was afraid to tell me he wasn’t ready, but promised to be more clear in his communication from that point forward. We had discussed it prior, but he wasn’t entirely honest. We talked and agreed to look again in a few months.
A few months later we found another apartment and planned everything, but suddenly insisted he wanted to graduate and get a job first. For this specific apartment, the dates didn’t work for us so even i thought it would be a bad decision, but we still could have looked for another apartment. I was of course very sad, but we both agreed to look again after his graduation when we both had nothing to stop us.
After his graduation, when we again agreed to rent an apartment together and looked for about a month, he suddenly backs out again bacause he thinks it is better to buy an apartment and offered to pay for it. This time he at least offered a pretty good compensation.
My issue isn’t his reasoning, but the fact that I put in a lot of effort into finding an apartment when we both agreed to do so, and then him dropping out last possible minute because he didn’t realize what he wanted until the preassure was on. He seems to be genuinly remorseful each time and acknowledges this as a serious issue, but also seem unable to change it. And that has left to wonder if I am wasting my time.
I am not sure If I am overreacting, but I think it’s unfair since I have done so much for us and I feel like he doesn’t put in enough effort. Despite this, I love him. And I know he loves me. He is wonderful in many other ways, but I have clearly asked him to communicate properly and this just goes on and on. So much so, that i said that he can look for apartments himself and bring me a list that we both can agree on. But i don’t know if i want to anymore.
I have expressed that i am not sure i want to continue working on our relationship after this and have asked for time to think about it. He understood me and has told me that he respects my decision, but are 100% invested in our future if i still want to. Am I being unreasonable? I am not sure I can deal with having my heart broken again and feeling like a am wasting my time. I am exhausted from dealing with this on top of all the other crap life has to offer. What would you do?