My husband and I have been married for about 5 years and we have two small children.
Recently, we have been getting into serious arguments ( talks of divorce) every weekend.
When I say my piece of what I need, what I won’t stand for. He stonewalls. I have to get him to say that he loves me and that he wants to make things work. He then tells me all of his complaints regarding me in the marriage.
My thing is the argument is usually the same each time. I don’t want the marriage to end and I feel as though I’m the one willing to change and make an effort to make it work but I don’t hear him say that he wants to change the things that bother me. He takes no responsibility.
Im left feeling unresolved and I can’t communicate with him because it always leads back to this discussion about it being my fault.
Last night he wanted to call it quits and I tried to get him to talk to me and he finally did and said I need to change. I took responsibility for what he was upset for and we are fine now but I just don’t feel resolved. Im not sure what to do. Im afraid what he wants just may not be possible and that we will end up here again.
7 comments
It takes two to mend a strained marriage. You guys need counseling immediately. Or, pull the trigger and file
for a divorce. Only you know which is the better option. I can tell you though that throwing the D word around constantly as a weapon in a marriage is extremely damaging to your relationship and, dare I say it, your children.
Have you consider marriage counselling? Compromise is important, but it won’t work if you are the only one doing it.
What issues do you keep arguing over?
I would recommend marriage counseling with an experience therapist if you are both willing and can afford it. I’m also listening to a podcast about boundaries called beyond bitchy which is helping me. Good luck!
Yes, sounds doomed. You guys don’t seem to be able to argue constructively, so no change is the result. I’m not a big fan of therapy, but it might be worth a try, since divorce is so painful, expensive and damaging. Good luck.
Based on your profile it seems that you have been suffering from possibly undiagnosed mental health issues as well as addiction issues. I would recommend both marriage counseling and individual counseling for both of you if the marriage is to be saved.
It can’t be only one trying and the other only blaming. Both must have open ears, open attitudes and open hearts. Professional counseling is probably your only hope. You two could try the DIY route through books, articles, etc ([as seen in this sub’s wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/wiki/index)) but his attitude is likely only going deepen in a bad way as he searches for more ways to blame you while ignoring his own contributions.
Are you going through withdrawals?