Long Post (apologies but need advice)
I became a mother at a young age (17)and daughters father went to prison for 5 years (robbery). We always promised that we would be together when he was released. Two years later, I meet an amazing man who made me so happy and he cared for my daughter. The thing is my mother didn’t like him. (My aunt and friend of mine mentioned maybe she could be jealous) because of how happy I was and the cars he was getting me , rings, clothes, etc. He had a daughter as well so we would do everything together.
I was still visiting my daughters father in prison because I wanted my daughter to know her father. ( boyfriend was not aware) I was also too nice of a fucking person and just thought I should hang on to that promise. I end up pregnant with my then boyfriend who BEGGED me to keep the baby. I wanted to deep down but I wanted to please my mother by showing her I was “on her side” somehow. I also wanted to keep the promise to my daughters father. My then boyfriend was very hurt. We ended up reconciling.
My life upgraded with him. (Now 21 yrs old) I graduated from college, was happy, took great care of my daughter and myself. I was just overall happy. And I was very happy with him. I genuinely loved him so much. He knew what to say to me to make everything better. He always had my back.
Two years later, daughters father is released. I literally cried when I picked him up from prison. I also found a silly way to break up with my boyfriend. After about a month or so, I realize that there were no compatibility between my daughter’s father and I. I also was not the same person I was when I got pregnant so young.
I get in touch with my ex boyfriend and cry and sob to him and go to his place. Only to wake up in the morning to my daughters father banging on his door and attempting to fight him (my brother tells him where he lives). The police arrives and tell my ex boyfriend to find someone who appreciates him.
My daughters father returns to prison when my daughter is 6 years old and he now has about 10 ish years (I believe ) to serve. (Last month I blocked his sisters and mother because they wanted my daughter, now 14yr to miss school to visit him on family day ha). My ex boyfriend finds a girlfriend in a different country and brings her to US. I attempted many times to reach out to him but he would hang up on me, blame everything on me but before I found out they were a thing he would still have sex with me. So I was hurt because he never told me straight up that he was in a relationship, I found out from FB.
My life is now crushed. To make things worse, my best friend passed away. I was so depressed I could not get out of bed and almost did not pass my classes. I took things day by day, graduated school again and worked as a delivery driver to make money because I had none coming out of school and did not pass my exam. I dated the manager (my mom “liked” him ) and before I realized that I was not really into him, I find out I’m pregnant.
But, before I find out I’m pregnant, I meet my then husband at the bus stop. My car broke down and he was going back to his country (was here for a meeting). We exchange FB and keep in touch.
After I had my son, my husband returns to US when my son was 3 months. He starts to mention getting married so he can obtain his papers so he can help me and my children. He was so desperate to meet my mother after I tell him NO because I just did not want her involved in another relationship of mine. But “she liked him, he was my Prince Charming”. My brothers were literally like NO! Don’t do it. My one brother was even like , “it’s ok to say NO”
So, I lie and tell him that I’m already married (just to see his intentions). He starts to mention if I know of anyone who would be willing to marry him . I tell him no. I start to see how annoying he was so I even gave him $100 just to leave the state to look for work somewhere. Unfortunately, someone took my keys from the library (I left them in the bathroom stall) and a group of teenagers stole and crashed my car . I basically had my whole life in that car.
I really feel like my husband used that situation to come back. I told him I didn’t need any help but he like forcefully came back. I eventually gave in and married him. I started to see the sacrifice he was willing to make for example, leaving his children in his country to come here for a better life. I learned to love him. But things started to change. I ended up pregnant (son now was 6mo old).
My second birthday together, we had plans for the day. Unexpectedly, his friend and his friend wife are moving and needs his help( he never said no). I was so mad. The whole day, gone. And what’s funny is after the fact, his friend said u should have said it was your wife’s birthday! I discover he was searching for singles. When confronted, he states it’s because “he was looking for someone for his brother to marry so his brother could come to US”
This was then when I decide to reach out to my ex. We started off with small talk on IG. That led to meeting up, then we planned to leave our spouses. He actually did. (Not 100% sure if they are actually divorced) but her and the 2 children are not living in the home. But, last year I discovered my husband affair. He was even telling the lady to have his daughter (after telling me for so long he wants a daughter). I was so hesitant because I had a traumatic birth with our son (now 5yr). So, i decided to become pregnant so he could forget about her but we were separated, he moved to another state.
I find out I’m having a girl. Miserable pregnancy alone. Discover he is still cheating while in another state. I reach out to my ex for support and he says have the baby first and we will see about if we will still be together.
The baby is born and spends time in NICU. Husband comes back. We try to fix everything. He also uses this opportunity to apply for his mothers emergency visa to come to US. I told him I needed time before she came but she came anyway to “help” but doesn’t do shit . I’m struggling with an eating disorder, like slowly killing myself.
I also discovered my husband had been seeing an escort(s).
He also tells me it’s him who “upgraded me” Haha how?!
You came back to use me, it’s me who passed my nursing exam, worked , got approved for the house !
Would I be so in the wrong if I got back with my ex?
Would I be wrong if I decide to live with him? because I HATE being home with my MIL here. (She said she would be here for 1 year, husband first told me 3 mos) and this is all to obtain her green card.
I would still take care of my children. For example come home when it is time to get them ready for school, leave when they are on the bus, come back when they come back.
My husband wanted a daughter SOOO bad but rarely cares for her. He complains all day about being tired from work. It’s literally me having her all day. And bathing her every night. I caught the flu couple days ago and it’s like he had a whole attitude cause I wasn’t feeling good. Yesterday he asked “are u feeling better”? And came in the room playing and laughing and screaming with her I’m like “are u doing this because im trying to get rest?!!!” You never do this . And that was why I wanted to go to the hotel to get rest.
I feel like I’ve been used. I need honest advice here since I cannot trust my mother’s judgment and literally no one to talk to regarding this. HELP!