Throwaway.
I (18F) have this friend (21M) who I’ll call B. He and I study the same majors, we’re in the same department, do the same extracurriculars, and our social circle and department are very close. Recently, after a friend pointed out his behavior to me, I started wondering if he had a crush on me. I’ve been paying attention now and it seems like he does. He has a long-term girlfriend he’s been dating for three years, but I’ve heard that the relationship is very toxic. I don’t want this to cause any drama, and I don’t know what to do.
A couple of months ago, he started exhibiting behavior that feels a lot like flirting. Like his body language, eye contact, making excuses to be around me, and brushing my arm, giving lots of compliments, he’s generous with his time, I catch him looking at me, and he always seems genuinely interested when I talk to him. Whenever he speaks, he either leans down to talk to me, leans into me, or ends up 2 inches away from my face. He also makes a lot of eye contact with me with dilated pupils, and he always has a goofy smile on his face when he talks to me. I’ve also noticed changes in behavior and tone. Like his voice becomes softer. It’s like when you’re with someone you’re attracted to, and you go out of your way to be on your “best behavior” with them. He also jokingly insults me, invites me to plans, looks at me to see if I’m laughing first, won’t leave places until I leave, and searches for me in a room, along with a bunch of specific other stuff. The most of it is really his body language, eye contact, and the way he acts toward me. Overall, he does things you wouldn’t do unless you have a crush on someone. He’s a very good person, and, as far as I know, he doesn’t act this way with other people. It’s gotten to the point where multiple people have come up and asked me if there was something between us.
BUT, there are days like that, but other days, he flat-out pretends that I don’t exist. He’ll walk past me without saying a word, I’ll say hi to him and he gives a very monotone and short response, he won’t look me in the eye, and he won’t talk to me. Especially around his friends. This is a complete contrast to how he is on other days. It’s like he’s going out of his way to avoid me. I thought that he just didn’t like me as a person, but I don’t know why he would be so kind to me on other days if he did.
Where this gets complicated is the fact that he’s in a long-term relationship with a girl who graduated a year prior. All of his friends and my friends know and still talk to her. But people have told me that their relationship has been and is very toxic. They appear sweet on the outside, but they fight all the time, and B’s girlfriend is very co-dependent on him. It’s draining him, and you can tell. It’s just a messy situation.
Right now, I’m wondering if I’m misinterpreting his behavior because he’s a very outgoing and funny person. But I’ve been told that he doesn’t act that way with other people, and his behavior just aligns with what you do when you have a crush on someone. I don’t know why he would be so flirty with me one day and avoid me the next if I didn’t like me and felt guilty about it.
The people I’ve talked to about this think he likes me but feels guilty about feeling the way he does, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. He’s already a busy person, and he’s very stressed out at the moment, so I can’t imagine this makes it any easier. Especially with his girlfriend. Another thing is that he and I aren’t in the same friend group, so we aren’t close, and it’s a lot harder to tell if he’s flirting with me or not.
I really want to be misunderstanding him, but I don’t think I am, and it scares me. People are really confident that he likes me, and, deep down, I think he does too. Our department is very tight-knit, and everyone knows everything about everybody. So, if my gut and the other people are right, it’ll cause a major rift. I don’t want it to, and I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I can avoid him, either. He does all of the same extra curriculars I do. I know stupid stuff like this shouldn’t matter, but I really don’t want this to cause any drama.
As far as my feelings towards him go, I can see myself being in a relationship with him, but I’m not going to entertain the idea of a crush on him right now for multiple reasons. He’s very kind, and I love being friends with him.
Does he have a crush on me? And, if he does, what do I do?