I (21F) NEED to break up with my boyfriend (21M. We’ve been together for over 3 years and since the beginning we’ve had lots of issues. He has lied a lot, catfished me , gaslighted me etc. We met eachother when we were teenagers so I justified a lot of it because we were still children, but I’m done with this obviously immature boy. I tried to break up numerous of times the last couple months, but I just can’t. I feel like I’m literally not alive, on a different planet , like i’m not my own body, whenever we go no contact.
It’s my birthday the day after tomorrow. He would be visiting me , but cancelled last week because he has to go somewhere with his mom. I immediately forgave him, but I had been crying the whole night about it. He cancelled on my birthday last year too. We decided he would visit me tomorrow and I would go pick him up at his house (1.5h drive) because he didn’t want to take a train. I would pick him up and bring him back to his house the same day (6h drive in total) and he still cancelled. He told me an hour ago he didn’t want to see me anymore because he is too insecure to go see my mom (she is visiting as well) although he has seen her a thousand times already. I know, these are huge red flags. He knows how important my birthday is to me and this is the THIRD time he cancelled on me and i just want to leave so bad, i just can’t. I dont have a lot of friends and i’m so so so scared nobody is going to love me ever again (although I know he also doesn’t love me)
Please just tell me how to get over this and go through with it. I’m so extremely lonely and that in combination with the almost dissociation like feeling, gives me extreme anxiety just thinking about it.
tldr: I need to break up with my boyfriend but I’m too attached to leave him. what to do?