First of all, we came to a polyamorous relationship unusually. We married young and have been married 22 years. Eight years ago my wife came out to me as being attracted only to other women. By this point we had no intimacy in our relationship. Two years later, she started dating other women. We stayed together as we are still best friends, parenting our children together, and she isn’t out to her family. (This is also why I am using an anonymous account)
I began dating four years ago, and met my girlfriend two years ago. We have a great relationship together. My wife initially had no issues with my girlfriend. This changed when my wife’s last relationship ended, and she seemed to develop a lot of jealousy for how close my girlfriend and I am.
I planned to split my Valentines day between the two of them, and during the planning my girlfriend mentioned an upcoming “Galentines” day she has planned with some of her closest female friends at a spa. My wife reacted jealously, saying she had no one to do something like this with.
So for Valentines day, my girlfriend sent an envelope for my wife. In the card was a gift certificate to the spa, and an invitation to join them.
This enraged my wife, who feels my girlfriend is showing off and mocking her. I cant seem to get her to realized my girlfriend was honestly doing a nice thing. She doesn’t want to talk to me at all.
How would you resolve this? Is this a matter of jealousy towards my girlfriend, or jealousy that I’m in a relationship?
Tl;dr My girlfriend tried to involve my wife in a friend’s event and my wife is angry. I cant figure out how to fix this.
To clarify, my girlfriend mentioned the spa day in a group chat, the context being scheduling,, and my wife asked for more information, and said she was jealous. I dont tell the personal affairs of one partner to another.
Also, my wife shuts down and leaves when I try to communicate with her why she is so angry.