I just want to say there is no end game here. I just want answers and then to block him out my life.
Background – been with my boyfriend 5 years (with an 8 month break). I am christian and he is hindu and comes from a very strict religious background. One year in, we decided to break up as it was clear he would not marry me as his parents would not accept me and disown him if he did. He had already started talking to another girl at the time (through parents introduction and she is hindu), which i considered cheating. It absolutely destroyed me. I had many arguments with him but eventually walked away
8 months later he came back to me, couldn’t go through with this girl, had always been messaging me throughout that year he missed me and still loves me etc. me being an idiot took him back.
Now the last 3.5 years, we worked really hard on our relationship and got to a really good place. We worked on the trust issues and our relationship has never been better. We’ve celebrated birthdays, anniversaries, had holidays and weekends away. We have talked about marriage and kids and how we will tell his parents and get through whatever issues come our way as a result. He said if they cannot accept me we will figure it out. Breaking up was not an option.
Now, about 9 months ago, i saw that he has added his ex (also hindu) back on instagram (this is an ex from many years ago who cheated on him and from which he fell into a deep depression and had to go through therapy). I asked why and he said it was nothing, it was just an innocent add and they are civil and she added him. Our relationship was great at the time, we were, what i thought, really and truly in love and i really did not think he could fake it so i thought nothing of it as I have my exes as friends on instagram too. I must admit, my gut was saying something isn’t right, just because he has expressed pure hatred for her, but ignored the red flag
A few weeks ago he was invited to a wedding, a friend of his from university. I did ask why I could not go as a plus one, but he said that it was a very intimate wedding and partners of friends have not been invited. (I know stupid of me to believe him). Me being me just knew this didn’t sound right, and I know another of one his friends was going so i checked the stories on his profile. I saw his ex sitting next to him at this wedding. When I confronted him, he said she was there because she is also a mutual friend with the person getting married – so i asked why did they sit you together, considering everyone knows she’s your cheating ex and he just said i was acting crazy and being paranoid and didn’t want to tell me she was going to be there in the first place, as he knew I would react this way. He broke down crying saying he’s been getting a lot of pressure from his parents to get married to a hindu girl and he didn’t want to tell me what was going on at home as it would upset me. they have completely refused to accept me and are pushing him to marry a hindu girl. Said he loves me so much and he is trying to figure out a way he can keep everyone happy. Gave me the whole speech of im the only know who knows him, I’m the girl who taught him out to love, i’m the girl that is the one blah blah blah
Cut a long story short, i’ve done some digging and found out he marrying this ex girl and the wedding date is set. Which means that he must have been cheating on me for at least a year. I have proof I know the wedding date, i know they are engaged as well.
I have no plans to tell her the truth as the families are involved now, and in his culture, it would bring a lot of shame to the family and the girls family.
There is no end game here as i said, i just want to confront him and know the full truth (for my own sanity). i am going to walk away and never look back. I don;t think i have told the story properly as i am shaking right now and lost at what to do and how to confront him and to recover from this. the whole future i had planned with him is gone/
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TLDR; boyfriend of 5 years is engaged to be married to his cheating ex. i am christian and he is hindu and his parents are not accepting of me, but he was going to fight for me regardless. he is now going to marry this girl. I don’t know when exactly he was going to tell me but the wedding is in 6 months
24 comments
I am so sorry this is happening to you. This is terrible. I hope you can move on from this as quickly as possible.
Don’t try to get closure. Ghost him and get therapy.
He has been lying to you for YEARS. Clearly he is great at manipulating and talking to him will only be detrimental to you. Ditch him, get a therapist
There is nothing to confront him about because it doesn’t change anything.
Break up and learn from your mistake. There were lots of warning red flags but you just discovered that avoiding them can’t save a relationship.
Is this an arranged marriage? He may not have done anything with her aside from go to those events.
That said, this relationship seems like it’s long over. If you want closure, bring your evidence and calmly confront him about it and get the story. Regardless of the answer though, his family won’t accept you and he doesn’t want to be disowned.
Breaking up now will make both of your lives easier
I’m very sorry. He is a coward and you are better off without him, even if it hurts right now. I know you have a desire for the whole story, but what does it matter really? I think you should text him a few choice words letting him know what you think of him and then block him everywhere and never look back.
You will get over him. You will find someone better. You will have much brighter days ahead.
I’m so sorry, that sounds awful. Just try to move on as soon as you can. He’s a cheater, you definitely deserve far better.
I’d be like, I’m hurt that I didn’t get an invitation to your wedding, since I’m your gf I just assumed I’d be invited.
I am so sorry OP! This is such a horrible situation and I can’t believe he is stringing you along like this. I wonder if he ever had any intention of telling you, was he going to ghost you soon or make you his uninformed mistress? He is an absolute horrible person, and I would definitely tell his soon to be wife. She deserves to know what kind of trash she’s marrying. If she knew than she sucks too and deserves what ever fucked off marriage they’re about to have.
Mind your business.
There are no answers that would satisfy you.
Move on.
You want to know full truth for your well being?
well, this Indian guy was two timing you and the other girl
also, this guy has a pattern…
He broke up with u and her and came back to explain why he broke up…to both girls!!
What I appreciate about you is that u kinda helped him with ur nurture to get over his break-up…
But, what if..that guy actually went to other girl & she helped him to nurture his break-up with u…?!?
You have been played
He is going to try to convince you to stay. Are you ready for it?
You don’t confront him. He was never going to marry you.
You were a placeholder until he marries the woman who is more than likely an arranged marriage.
What did you think what was gonna happen?
Ghost him and don’t look back, for your self-respect this is the best option. Trust me he will try to swing this in a way to come to you again
There are no words from him that can provide the closure you seek. His decisions have nothing to do with you because he completely disregarded your relationship and needs in order to go behind your back and create this situation. No conversation with him will help you. Draw a hard line and totally cut him off. It would worse to try and have a discussion about it, and only leave you feeling more frustrated.
I know reddit always says therapy, but it really would be good for you to have help processing this. Because that trash man has made you the other woman in his life and you deserve so much better.
Someday, sooner or later, he will try to slime his way back into your life, crying about how much he needs you and how she is still cheating on him. You will need to have completely moved on and not give him the satisfaction of any reaction at all.
You can get through this and come out stronger on the other side.
I really don’t think you should confront him at all. Maybe send a text about what you know and that it’s over and you don’t want anything to do with him, and then block. Don’t give him a chance to respond. It’s clear from what you told us that he is great at lying and manipulating you and he’d probably spew something that he’s only doing this to satisfy his family and keep everyone happy, that he doesn’t really love her and only wants you and blah blah blah. He won’t tell you the real reason. It will only be harder for you because you will have wasted your time trying to get closure only to walk away with more questions. Block him and run.
Expose to his bride to be.
I would probably tell his family, dude deserves to be shamed
Whoa.
I’m really sorry. I can’t imagine how much you must be hurting. This behaviour is lowest of the low. He is a horrible human being. Please go to therapy. I wish you the best of luck.
I hope confronting him and getting the full story will give you a closure but i doubt it will.
It will only cause you more pain and trauma and a whole rollercoaster of emotions but our human mind also needs answers which we already know.
You have wasted 5 years of your life in this relationship please don’t waste anymore time on it.
You need to make a choice now How much more time do you want to waste on it before you realise it’s not worth it.
I went through a situation and it took me more than a year to realise it and another 2 years to get my self confidence back and start living the way i should.
Please for your own sanity , cut off all contacts, seek help from friends, professionals and every possible way. Life is too precious to waste on people who don’t deserve your time.
Reach out if you need to talk or anything.
Much love
OMG you are way too good for him. He deserves to be shamed for manipulating you like this. He’s planning a whole wedding with someone else & telling you you’re crazy not to trust him. He deserves to be exposed for the lying cheating coward he is. I have never wanted to hug a stranger as much as I want to hug you now. Girl you need to talk to someone this is not your shame to be embarrassed about it’s his.
You’ve been lied to, disrespected, treated like trash. What can you do about it? Nothing.
Just make up your mind to move on, and learn from this. If I’m reading your post correctly, you didn’t date until you were 24….I think you might have been primed to “love” your first, no matter who he was.
You know the old truism that “living well is the best revenge.”
In the future, when you’re years into a wonderful marriage, you won’t even remember this man-boy’s name.
What you need to realize/ remember is that at some point he has every intention of ghosting you as he’s getting married. He’s riding this out ( and sleeping with you, stringing you along pretending he’s planning on standing up to his parents for you) until he has to give it all up, the double life, to live with his wife. He may seriously be planning on telling you he’s going away that weekend, and knowing he’s going to willingly block you from there on out. He knows what’s he’s gong to do to you. He doesn’t know you know…you say there’s no end game here for you….but there sure is for him, and he’s been happy to live this way KNOWING THIS IS STARING HIM DOWN THE BARREL and not caring. Think about that. He’s trash. He’s had AMPLE opportunity to break it off, and hasn’t.