My bf has low testosterone, refuses to get the shot to get more testosterone, and our bedroom life is literally nonexistent. It’s hereditary for him, his dad had to get a shot to raise his testosterone and told my bf to get it too but he hasnt gotten it yet and I dont think he wants to. Hes really sensitive about the topic and hates talking about it. Im not mad at him for having it and I dont try to belittle him about it. Sometimes Ill go in the bathroom or take a long shower and he knows what Im doing in there then gets upset about it. Hell try to initiate sex but he cant get it up. Last night we were going to try to have sex before bed but he couldnt get it up so I said its fine Im just gonna go take a shower and but he kept saying “were going to do it just give me a minute “ but it never happened.
I dont want him to feel bad about it or about me jerking off. I take this one medication that makes me horny, I also work out a lot and Im young so I have needs too but I dont want him to be upset that I want to jerk off. I have gotten upset because when I use his phone Ive seen he watches porn a lot and hes told me he used to have a lot of sex with his exs. Also hes done kinky stuff with his ex but is completely vanilla with me. He says it comes in spurts but I guess hes just never in the mood when hes around me? We moved in together 2/3 months ago and weve had sex twice since then. Im just frustrated with him, it makes me feel like Im unattractive and like were just friends. Im tired of him telling me were going to have sex and trying to get me in the mood then we end up not doing it. Id never cheat on him and I love him but our sex life is literally horrible.
5 comments
You both seem incompatible sexually. His difficulties in the bedroom are very likely more mind related than testosterone related. It’s likely he *thinks* he has a problem because of the diagnosis but that may not actually be true.
Anyway. It sounds like you’re both not being very kind to each other sexually. It sounds like resentment has built up. This is a very delicate problem that’s likely at a point that’s very hard to overcome.
I would strongly suggest couples therapy, or just break up.
there is literally nothing wrong with wanting to have sex and your partner not wanting it in this sense. as you said, you have needs. sex is normal and quite necessary for 9 out of 10 relationships.
the issue here is that he doesn’t want YOU pleasuring yourself. he should not have a say in your body like that, especially when he could easily help you out himself. i would say he’s definitely projecting insecurities.
maybe look into having sex with other people and see how he feels. half joking on that but happiness on both sides is important. you can only have the convo so many times before you realize, this match isn’t the one
I think you need to sit down and have a firm discussion. If he does not make an appointment to see a doctor and take steps towards researching methods to raise his testosterone levels or stay hard, and he doesn’t offer to make you finish in other ways, then he needs to acknowledge and accept that he is in no position to get mad at you for doing it yourself. That is unhealthy and not fair to you. I understand why he’s frustrated with himself, but it’s something that he needs to confront.
If he’s unwilling or unable to take further steps, then you need to evaluate how important this issue is to you. Obviously you can’t force him to change. Sex is an important aspect of a relationship. If you are not satisfied and he isn’t putting in an effort to help you out without sex then I would ask yourself if this is a relationship you want to be in long term
Different libidos are common, with or without health issues. What is not ok is him getting upset at you for pleasuring yourself, it’s weird.
So there seems to be insecurities and unrealistic expectations thrown into the mix, you two should speak to a relationship counsellor.
Testosterone actually doesn’t only affect sexlife but general health, did he consult a doctor ? Taking random shot just because his dad took won’t help, just guessing, maybe he is seeing a doctor.
Sounds like he needs to get a better head game or viagra rather then test shots
Also want to know what you’re taking to make you hornier because that sounds like a solid side effect