TLDR : Why would a girl spend so much time IRL if not interested even in being friend ?
I’m (M20) in university (France) I just met a Girl (F22) at a Sport lesson. The feeling was great. After the lesson, we walked and talked for an hour and a half although she needed to go back home to work. During the whole discussion, we laughed, there was no awkwardness. I managed to get her phone number.
I texted her and asked her to work together at the library the next day. She told me she couldn’t because she can only focus when she is alone at home. I admit I have insisted a little bit so she accepted. We met and worked and again 2hours of just talking after work.
The issue is that she has never been into texting I guess but I had the feeling that IRL was great but when I text her I felt like she just answer me because she has to… So I asked her if this was the case, she said “sorry it doesn’t bother me, I didnt mean to appear annoyed” But the next day, after some normal message, she told me I was too insisting… I then asked her “why did you give your phone number if you didn’t want to meet to work, don’t want to text me, don’t want to call?” She replied “oh so you would have preferred me to refuse to give my number? I wasn’t gonna say no, I’m not that Kind of person”
Help me figuring what I missed guys! Why would she spend so much time irl if she wasnt interested ? not even in being friend i guess
9 comments
Ngl you sound pushy. You didn’t even respect her study routine.
People can enjoy hanging out but have different priorities.. maybe she was busy all this time and you kept nudging her to spend time with you. Don’t be entitled to all of her time. Don’t have to be attached at the hip even if she gave her number.
Your behavior here is questionable, to put it gently. You suggested an activity, she said no, you pressured her into coming anyway when she had already made it clear that she didn’t want to, and then you kept pressuring and pressuring and even lashed out at her because she wasn’t giving you what you wanted. When people say no, you step back. You seem to think that because she gave you her number, she was obligated to go out with you, text you and eventually date you, or at least be friends with you; in other words, since she gave you her number and was nice to you in person, you are convinced you were owed *something*. You need to apologize to this woman and leave her alone, and then you need to sit down and rethink your whole attitude towards rejection.
A lot of women give out their phone number when they don’t want to because they have had bad experiences with men in the past, where the man takes it personally and threatens their safety. She had no way of knowing how you’d handle rejection. Based on your story you sound extremely pushy so she probably felt super pressured. Or, maybe she was initially interested but as she got to know you felt you just didn’t click.
You are being too pushy and it’s turning her off, giving her a bad feeling. You should apologize and change your behavior.
Maybe she enjoyed the first day she spent with you but then either changed her mind, or was really put off by your persistance the next day. Either way, she is allowed to change her mind (and she does not owe you an explanation). She’s just not that into you. Move on and leave her alone. And next time (as in, with a different person) don’t be so pushy.
She is a smart girl! She notices the red flag and is running the other way. Finally a story where a woman isn’t wasting her time.
Don’t insist even a little bit
Allow people to say no and not have to give you a reason that you accept
Hold back a bit and don’t text first all the time
The way you have described your interactions I would have been very put off even if I initially liked you
It sounds like you made a friend and then wrecked it with too much communication. Some people don’t like to text.
Some people are naturally extroverted and great conversationalists — for you, you’re feeling an amazing connection. For them, it’s the same connection they make with everyone.
When you asked her if she would meet you at the library, she told you she didn’t want to as she can’t focus on the necessary way to study. Then you pushed it and she caved and said ‘yes’. So, when you two met at the library, you both talked for two hours. She didn’t really get any studying in, I bet. You re-inforced her belief she wouldn’t get any work done. You knew what she wanted but you kept talking. Read the fing room. She was trying to be nice to you and you took advantage of her.
If I was her, I wouldn’t keep in contact with you either. The world does not revolve around you and your needs.