My bf and I have been together for over 2 years and living together for a good part of it. For the most part, he has treated very well and is overall a pretty good bf. We had some issues in the beginning (trust issues, etc.) but we’ve made great progress in this area. However, he definitely has a temper issue and gets really angry at things that sometimes are warranted but sometimes I don’t feel the level of anger is warranted. Let me be clear that he has never laid his hands on me and I know he would never. When he gets angry he will hit a wall, throw something down (like his keys or something) really aggressively and yell and curse. If he is upset with something I’ve done, he will pretty much shut me out and not talk to me for 1,2 maybe even 3 days at a time unless I badger him to tell me what’s going on. When he’s like this, either angry at me or something else, I get really, really anxious. My heart starts beating really fast and I get extra sensitive jumpy.
It’s important to note that he was completely against therapy at one point, I gave him an ultimatum (I know, not a good idea) but he said he would go. He tried for a few weeks but did not like the therapist (for good reason) but hasn’t found a new one (it’s been almost 6 months since then). I should mention that I am in therapy myself.
I keep going back and forth about leaving this relationship because I am not sure if I can handle this behavior for the rest of my life. Am I valid for feeling this way? I know he loves me a lot and I love him but I hate being so afraid to make a mistake because of how he might react, even if I know he won’t physically harm me. I would just feel weird leaving a partner who otherwise respects me and treats me well.
He mentioned when we first started dating that he had a temper, but I did not realize how bad it was until we were already deep into it. I think I also ignored some red flags , which was on me. I just need some advice on what to do here.