I’ve made quite a few friends at the start of the year and I thought that this year would be.good but for the past few days I’ve been loosing my friends. They keep making friends and hanging out with them more then they hang out with me. Once I said hi to one of my friends and they completely ignored me. This used to happen to me for the last two years and I can’t stand it any more. Everyday I’d tell myself that I need to talk more but when it comes to having a conversation, I don’t talk much. The only reason I have friends now is because I act to share the same interests but inside, I really don’t like being with people like them. They’re too dramatic and overreacts to much. I can’t stand being around people like them because others think I’m an autistic pick me but I don’t have other people I can look up to and stay with and they’re really attached to me so I’m scared on how they’d feel if they find out that I’m trying to make other friends and that I’m not fond of them. When ever I try making friends I’m always the ignored one when I say something. i cant relate to anything they say nor hear anything they say becuse they speak only to eachother. I have a friend who I’m actually close with and I want to tell her this but I don’t know if she feels the same and I’m scared that she might think I’m rude for wanting to leave our current group of friends. There’s a group of people I want the both of us to hang out with because I think that we might be able to fit in but like I said she might think I’m ditching our current group of friends. I can’t keep acting like I’m fond with our current group of friends. It’s like I’m going to school just to act like someone I’m not. I’m not energetic or approachable which just makes it worse trying to make friends. I’m kinda introvert like so I like to have alone time but sometimes I just need more people I can act normally with without worry that they’ll hate me or leave me. My friends been noticing this but I want her to come with me to make other friends but she might think differently.
I might be saying the same thing over and over but this is really killing me in the inside and I’m basically just blurting out my problems. I can’t tell my parents cause if they do, they’d give me a lecture on not being sociable enough. Last time I did tell them, they called me demented utistic and stupid for not making friends. I felt so heartbroken cause it’s just something that I can do so easily.