I’ve (31F) been in my current relationship (8 years) way too long feeling neglected (years, actually). I constantly do little things for my partner (31M) like cook something I know he likes before he gets home or when he is sleeping (we have different schedules, so don’t eat or cook together or for each other normally), make him coffee in bed, plan dates, treat him to dinner or something he wants when we are out together, etc. I used to do it more often but currently I do it like once or twice a week.
Thing is, he doesn’t really return the favour. Sometimes I tell him I feel neglected and he’ll be better, for like a week, and then it’s back to normal. He also doesn’t really text me or call me during the day even though we only see each other for 30 minutes a day on weekdays. I feel like I deserve better, but maybe my expectations are just too high? I’d like at least one nice thing every week. Could be something small like making me coffee, getting me something I like from the supermarket, or coming by my work (5min drive) during my lunch time to spend time together, or something big like taking me to a new restaurant (I don’t expect him to pay, just bring up the idea and restaurant) or giving me a massage. Now it’s just not happening unless I ask for it myself, and even then I have to ask him multiple times over the course of weeks. By then, of course, it doesn’t really feel the same anymore and more like it’s a chore for him.
Is it too much to expect one little nice thing every week? I probably wouldn’t care it he skipped a week every now and then, if it was at least somewhat consistent at other times.
TL;DR Is it too much to expect one little nice thing every week from your partner?