Husband (34M) and I (29F) have been married for 5 years. I just gave birth to our son two months ago while husband was deployed.
Here’s some background info on us: We both come from a military background, he is still active duty while I am now out of the military working in a different career field. We were living overseas and moved to our current home 4 months ago. I was diagnosed with PCOS, have had two miscarriages and after trying for 3 years, we went the IVF route. So it has been a long and stressful journey for us to have our miracle baby. My husband left for deployment when I was 8 months pregnant, living in an empty house, sleeping on an air mattress, with a new job in a new country. I don’t want this to be a pity party, but I do want to stress that I was not having a great time… on top of this, my father was diagnosed with cancer and going through chemo during this time. My mom came out for my sons birth to help me, but it was a very traumatic experience where I had to have an emergency C-section, my son almost didn’t make it, and we were in the hospital for a week. My mom could only stay a couple weeks because she needed to get back to help my dad. Okay, now to my marriage… my husband and I met in the military. I have been deployed so I know just how much cheating and lying goes on and it’s disgusting… I have always told him that cheating is a deal breaker for me and I needed honesty in our relationship. I asked him to respect my wishes of not going to strip clubs and not staying out until 4am. Well, this is the 3rd time I’ve caught him lying about going to a strip club. I saw his location at a club at 2am and immediately tried calling him. He ignored the call, got an Uber to his hotel, and didn’t text me until the next day like nothing happened. I was livid. I didn’t respond to him because he was coming home the following day and I wanted to talk in person so he couldn’t hide anything. That night, he got so drunk that he lost his phone on the way to the airport.
When he showed up, he acted like nothing happened. In the process of getting him a new phone I found a dating app for married individuals seeking affair was downloaded the day after he left for deployment. While I was sitting in an empty house 8 months pregnant, he downloaded that app. I went to our phone bill and saw that there were no transactions for the app, I know that men have to pay to use this app, so maybe he didn’t use it? The fact that he has the app is fucked up, regardless. Then I look at his bank statements and see that he spent almost $300 at the strip club that he denied he went to. He said he had no idea it was a strip club, even though he spent 4 hours there… I asked if he was blind or stupid. That convo happened two days ago and he’s sticking to his story. Just denying everything and then acting like nothing is wrong. I don’t know who this man is anymore. I’m so disappointed and just dumbfounded. I took off my ring and have been sleeping in the guest bedroom since he returned. I don’t ever see myself trusting him again. I want my son to have a father in his life but I can’t afford to live in this area if we split.
What do I do?
TL;DR: Husband (34M) lies about going to strip clubs to me (29F) after having our son 2months ago. What do I do?