We’ve been together 4 years married for 2. He’s the breadwinner, even though I work full time my salary isn’t enough to cover household bills so I just use it to pay my personal expenses and groceries. The only “accomplishment” I have is an associates degree in…general studies. I’m $22,000 in debt. I’ve never actually made enough money to live on my own but I had to get my own place at 18 with no help so I used my student loan money to help pay rent.
He’s attractive, ambitious, extroverted and confident. He has a promising career and so many hobbies and interests. I honestly don’t do much besides work and hang out with him. I do try to look nice but I’ve gained like 40lbs since we’ve been married so I don’t even have looks going for me anymore. My mental health is trash, I seem to struggle to be happy. I’m probably not the most pleasant person to be around at times. Every new friend I’ve made in the last 2 years has been directly or indirectly through him.
He comes from a very stable, loving upper middle class family. His parents have been so supportive and helpful for us financially and emotionally. His entire family makes sure I get Christmas and birthday gifts every year. Meanwhile my chaotic family has contributed nothing.
I really don’t mean for this to come across as a pity party I’m just trying to lay out the facts. I contribute nothing substantial to his life, we don’t even have sex as often as he’d like. And yet he’s still so in love with me and I don’t get it. I feel like one day the rose colored glasses are going to slip off and he’s going to realize he can do better. I feel like I can never complain to him about anything because I’m lucky to even be in this position. I feel almost indebted to him.
He has a female coworker who he’s incredibly compatible with. They ride motorcycles together and she’s the only girl he knows who’s into the same niche hobbies as him, she’s attractive and makes great money. I trust him and I’m not worried about him cheating but sometimes I’d almost understand if he did.
I am trying to better myself. I’m actively trying to get back in shape and I’m going back to school next semester. But in the meantime how do I shake these feelings of inadequacy?
TL;DR: My husband is doing better than me in almost every aspect of life and I feel inadequate and that he deserves better.