A lot has changed for me after having a baby almost a year ago. I’ve tried communicating some of this to my partner but it doesn’t seem to stick. I don’t like my hair being pulled anymore. At all. I’ve asked him many times not to pull my hair but I have to ask him every time, even after stating I don’t like it anymore at all. He doesn’t even pull it into a ponytail to grab it all, he grabs a chunk right at the scalp and it fucking hurts. And I don’t like to be choked. He doesn’t know how to do it properly and it freaks me out. He’ll grab basically my esophagus and squeeze that. Or digs his fingers into the side of my neck. I end up coughing a ton and my neck hurts afterwards. I used to like rough sex but tbh giving birth wrecked me and I just don’t like being treated like that anymore.
And every time we have sex his idea of foreplay is rubbing his dick on my buttcheek (which does nothing for me) and “if I’m lucky” he slaps my clit *which I hate. I don’t get why every guy I’ve been with has done this. Wtf do you think I want my vagina slapped* but that’s about it. If I’m too dry he’ll finger me for 2 seconds until his finger is wet and then try to stick it in. I **always** end up tearing where I tore when I gave birth and it hurts a ton. I also gained some weight during pregnancy that I can’t do anything about rn because I’m breastfeeding and it has changed the way we line up during sex. He’s a bigger guy too so we were already pretty limited before. Now when we try to have sex in the spooning position because of our weights we really can’t. He can’t stay in. Or he wants me on top. But I’m usually dry so I have to take my time at first and he immediately starts ramming and it hurts. I say I need more time and he gives me like 30 seconds and I just say screw it and pray he finishes soon.
He also stays up waaay later than I do (yet I’m the only one who gets up with the baby) and wakes me up for sex. I want to sleep! And I have a hard time falling asleep so it’s frustrating to be woken up for unenjoyable sex. Then I get to sleep maybe an hour before the baby wakes up for the first time. There’s more but I’ll save it. I honestly hate having sex with him now. I don’t even know where to go from here because I don’t want to make him feel bad about himself but like I’ve told him most of this stuff multiple times and it feels like he doesn’t even listen. Or he thinks I mean “just this time”.