so while out a few weeks ago I meet a new guy, didn’t go home with him then BUT the following week we had talked and Friday night we hung out and hooked up and again Super Bowl Sunday..the connection with this guy was amazing. The way he looked at me when we are together, the way we connected.. something I thought I wouldn’t find again.. anyways we have sex and just a couple days later I felt symptoms of a yeast infection coming on which is totally normal for me as I get them every so often went to urgent care to get meds.. but also felt like I had a cut… I told my friends he must have tore me because that’s what it felt like, I couldn’t see anything though when I tried to look. I just figured because we did have sex for a while it caused irritation or the rubbing cut me somewhere.
This was last week tuesday.. 2-5 days after we hooked up.then I did notice what appeared to be an ulcer..now I’m panicking… this is a week after. so yesterday I call and get in to the doctor. I’m a wreck just bawling in the waiting room, in the exam room .. I already know what it will be.. they do a culture and blood work. I asked if I should say anything to the guy and she said wait to see what happens with results before. But I just fricken know it’s gonna be positive. I wanted to wait to see IGG and IGM levels to see if it is a new onset so I could narrow it down.. anyways I really like this guy and don’t know how to talk about it.. he’s gonna probably run the other way but I feel like 100% he gave me it..he invited me out yesterday so I went and met up.. we did stay together (not sex) I lightly brushed on the topic.. when we first slept together I asked he was clean…. I told him I’m having issues and there will be no sex.. I said I had been crying all day and I was thinking of going to the dr.. I didn’t tell him I already went.. he said he swears he’s clean he gets bloodwork done regularly at the VA… which I think is just maybe for the physical and I don’t think that includes std panel … i wasn’t accusatory or anything either I was being so kind I said you can tell me the truth I won’t be mad and I won’t tell anyone. But he insists he doesn’t…yet today he hasn’t checked to see if I feel better or if I went to dr which I find weird…
Anyways labs come back… they didn’t have the IGM because for some reason they forgot to order that one so now they did(should have it tomorrow). BUT I’m negative for IGG meaning if it’s positive for IGM which I feel like it will be… it’s more than likely him. Do I say something? Do I try to date him still? Do I just stop talking to him altogether? I’m scared he’s going to just stop talking to me or tell people about it.. he’s super kind but obviously I’m still getting to know him. I also want him to get it done and see what his results are. But I don’t know that he will.
And to make matters worse I have an ex I broke up with a few weeks ago. Man I loved him..but we were so unhealthy and toxic… we were together 3 years and he still asks for me back and promising he will change.. now with this I have to accept the fact I have to fully let go of him.. which has been horrible!! I’ve been crying all day. I just feel my world is falling apart and I’m gonna be alone forever now… not to mention I started the meds a little over 24 hours ago and first it’s awful!! So painful. I just feel so defeated.