My gf (31f) and I (34m) have been together for just over a year. All things considered we’re a great partnership and everything is in sync.
The only area lacking in a way is sex. For the record we have a good sexual relationship and good sex. We are different people sexually. I’m a bit more kinky and experienced, she’s a bit more shy and reserved in the bedroom.
I’ve had to adjust slightly, in past relationships my partner and I are itching to rip each others clothes off. Whether we’re out, or at home, etc. As an example we might be sitting on the couch and intense invisible chemistry can’t be ignored that leads to passionate love making sessions.
With my current partner sex is much more of a “time for bed, let’s have some sex before we sleep ”. She super self conscious about this and keeps asking how she can improve.
An easy way to describe it is we’re like best friends that have sex before bedtime, compared what I’m used to which is intense lovers that still enjoy each others company. It’s all the same just a reverse of priorities.
I try to say no pressure, and give hints or walk her through different techniques or kinks but she’s too shy to ever follow through, or will do it once and revert back to normal. I used to do the heavy lifting to help her confidence but stopped 6 months in as she didn’t seem receptive even though she kept asking “can I be better?”.
She’s also not very responsive in bed, very quiet, no eye contact, little body movement, just lays there in silence which again is opposite of what I like as I get adrenaline from my partners reactions, even though she keeps saying how amazing I am in bed.
All of this I’ve accepted because the sex is still good, and otherwise she’s an amazing partner. Problem is she won’t let it go and I know I’ll start getting frustrated if I continue to put effort into experimenting if she’s not receptive or still shy, and I like a confident woman and those moments where she goes into “I’m sorry, what can I do to please you more” have become a turn off as opposed to endearing in the first 6months.
So my question is:
a) How do I give her the confidence I’m fine how things are or…
b) Give her the confidence to do the things she wants to do without feeling insecure about herself or…
c) Continue this game where she asks to to teach her more, I do, then get frustrated I wasted my time or…
d) Get her to stop worrying about my past sexual relationships
Additional note as it might be asked:
I think this is the culmination of just a bunch of random conversations had over the early stages. “Ever had a threesome, craziest place you had sex, what kinks have you tried, etc.” and her putting this together in her head as “Oh god, if this is what he’s done/used to how can I measure up”