1. **Just talk to people, and have small talk.** It doesn’t have to be important, it doesn’t even have to be a good conversation. But when you talk to a lot of people, you get practice, and you start becoming better at conversation. So whenever you’re in a new social situation, find someone to approach and start talking to them about anything. Its not the end of the world, I promise and they’ll probably feel happy you approached them if they were by themselves to begin with
2. **Your energy matters. If you feel anxious,** **people will pick up on that. If you feel confident and relaxed, people will pick up on that.** Like I said, practice makes perfect so just have conversation and small talk more often and it’ll become less of a daunting experience. Also, change your body language. Don’t avoid eye contact, don’t stand slouched, don’t look at the ground, don’t fidget. Just stand tall, relax your muscles, make eye contact, smile, and focus more on the other person than on yourself. Even if your heart is pounding, just a few changes in body language can help. Fake it till you make it.
3. **Act like the person you’re talking to is already your friend.** This is just another way of saying, be authentic. When you’re around your friends, you act the most like yourself. So do that with other people. When you see someone, or first meet someone, give a genuine smile. Make a joke, talk to them casually. (Obviously, try not to do this in professional settings) but in general, just be yourself and people will like you more. You may think “oh but im weird, no one will like the true me” but the truth is, even if someone doesn’t bond with you, they may still like you because you are genuine. People like genuine people because they dont put on a mask like most people do. Plus, not everyone is gonna like you. That’s fine, but when you are authentic you can weed out the people who are judgmental, rude, or you just simply dont vibe with, and instead attract more of the people who have a similar personality to you.
4. **Code switch.** Now some people think that code-switching involves changing yourself but I disagree. To me, code-switching is more about learning how to read the room. With some people, they’ll be a little more calm and quiet, so maybe you can bond with them by channeling your calm and quiet side. Some people may be a little more loud, and humourous. So you can channel your funny side. Think of it like this: are you gonna talk to your female friends the same way as your guy friends? No. Because there are just different vibes. The way that you talk, the kinds of jokes you make, and the activities you do with your guy friends are completely different than with your female friends. But nonetheless, you still remain true to yourself, theres just a different friendship dynamic. I find that when I match people’s energy while still remaining true to my personality, I just overall have a lot better connections and can bond with people more. This wont work with everyone, some people really are just too different from you and no amount of code-switching is gonna make the friendship work, and thats ok.
5. **Go out more/be involved.** Especially if you live in a small community, or are a teenager. I find that when I go out to social events that are held by my school, or if I tag along with my friends to go to a cafe or something, it helps me get more comfortable being in intimidating social situations and get over my fear of large crowds or public spaces. Also, the more involved you are, the more approachable you seem. When people see you going out, and spending time with other people, they assume you’re someone easy to talk to.
6. **Read people’s body language.** Sometimes its clear someone does not want to talk to you. Arms crossed, no eye contact, ect. You gotta learn to pick up these signals and just move on. Its not worth it to talk to people especially if they’re in a bad mood or just may not feel interested in the conversation, dont take it personally. You could also try and bring their mood back up by asking them about something you know they may be passionate about. Or if you’re closer with this person you can ask if they’re okay and if they want to open up. But if nothing works, its better to just move on.
7. **The most important tip: dare to be disliked.** Most of us are people pleasers. Charismatic people are charismatic because they’re *not* people pleasers. When you become your most authentic self, you will gain a lot of positive experiences and people in your life but you will also lose some people. People may be more obvious with their dislike towards you and people will talk shit about you sometimes. But you can’t control what others think and what others feel so you must learn to simply not care. It’s hard to do that but you can learn to not care by not seeking external validation and instead getting validation from yourself. Your self-love and sense of self-worth should be so strong that you are not affected by insults and can move on from them quickly. What helped me was therapy, positive self-talk, and shadow work.