How my career becomes a deal-breaker in dating

41 comments

1. Hi OP, sorry you are dealing with this. Having a career you are passionate about is wonderful. info, you said the women in your area are highly educated and have high-earning careers, but it is unlikely that everyone is that way. Do you reckon you have a type?

2. Yeah, women can be kinda weird about the whole career/status thing. They tend to jump to conclusions that aren’t necessarily right. I’d say don’t sweat it too much. Like with anything, you’ll come off more attractive if you don’t care what they think of you, but in a good way, rather than if you’re insecure about it. As long as you’re living an awesome life you’re fine no matter what you do. Not every woman is going to be into you anyways, and that’s cool. hope this helps. hang in there

3. some of it may be your career but are you also well-read and knowledgeable about lots of things that can veer into intellectual discussions? both in the arts and other subjects?

4. blue collar vs white collar is absolutely a thing in the dating world, many white collar women only want to date other office workers with similar schedules. you also might have much less in common with them in terms of hobbies and how you spend your downtime compared to other tradespeople and working class folk (although i can’t say for sure)

   you’re doing it right—be honest about yourself and who you are and the right person will find you eventually.

5. Trust me there are a lot of girls that prefer blue collar

6. I’m assuming you’re also in the US. Disrespecting or looking down on people in the trades is such an issue in this country, even outside of dating. Im saying that as a someone in a white collar finance career. The reality is that I sit on a laptop punching keys and talking on the phone. Carpenters are actually BUILDING things we need as a society and you’re contributing a hell of a lot more than I am. Anyone looking down on your career, dating or otherwise, should be kicked to the curb.

7. You’re looking at it all wrong, OP. Let me re-frame it for you. You are blessed with having a daily grind you actually love. You are good enough at it for one hour of your time to be worth $35. And you’ve managed to squirrel away a very decent cushion of cash, compared to most. Women who can’t see you for you are not the women you want. Use your occupation as a filter, so all the bs falls away.

   I have a very uppity white collar job, and lots of blue collar hobbies. Most of my male colleagues couldn’t change a tire, and would never believe their eyes if they saw me under my car, welding up a custom exhaust. I don’t date anymore since I’ve met my current gf 6ish years ago, but when I did, I’d talk about my hobbies more than my job. If she can’t like me for what I am, I don’t need her to like me for what I earn.

8. Good riddance to bad rubbish my guy. Never date someone who would have a problem with your job.

9. I don’t get it. I like my man to be a man, why someone would think this isn’t awesome I don’t know

   Keep trying, date different types of women maybe?

10. Geeze I would be totally into a carpenter. You are good with your hands, a bit of an artist and you have to be good at math. What is not to like? You have to find someone who not only appreciates you, but respects you for who you are. As soon as you start to change or fudge your info you are setting yourself up for a life where who you are isn’t what they want or who you are isn’t who you let yourself be and ultimately this ends poorly. I wonder if your location isn’t the right place for you to meet the right partner. That’s extreme but I think it may play a huge part in everyone’s dating experience. There is either a demographic of people like you or there isn’t. I wish you luck in your endeavors.

11. Your post singles out highly-educated women in high-earning careers & you’re clearly evaluating women based on their income-earning potential, at least to a certain extent (at least that’s all your post focuses on—the income earning potential of women you’re interested in). But yet… you don’t want women to evaluate you based on the same metrics? Like what is it with men and double standards? 🤔🤨

12. This is weird. I am a high earning female and I would say my circle of female friends is highly educated, and high earning. We talk a lot about dating, and I have never once heard them discussing the fact of finding a carpenter or laborer of any kind undesirable, if you don’t mind me asking, what city do you live in?
    Also, you might be targeting more vapid females, who are looking to be taken care of.

13. I’m a machinist and have never had an issue with dating those type of women. Hell it’s mostly the professional women that end up swiping right on me. Seems like a lot of them want the opposite of what they’re around all day.

14. Do you own your own business? Or do you work for someone?

    If you have your own business- women might be hesitate because there’s so much into having your own business.

    But honestly, if you have your stuff together, and love your job, don’t settle. A women will respect you for loving your job, no matter the money.

    Look on the bright side. At least you have a job and can contribute to a household when you are ready to settle down.

15. Sounds like the women you are physically attracted to are attracted to guys who are equal to them in life.

    You may need to find women you are physically attracted to who aren’t these ambition types who hit the snooze button on your conversations on first dates.

    You need a woman who is into outdoors stuff but isn’t like these women honestly if I’m being honest.

    Plus your career is a filter of removing the meh/blah types from your options, which is a VEEY good thing.

    Honestly, if you want to make it even easier?

    Just ask on the OLD apps if this is one of your modes & methods for getting dates, just ask them what they find appealing about Carpentry.

    Seriously, asking them that question and you can then easily pass on those women but keep the ball rolling with the ones who do find it interesting.

    Easiest way to not get stuck with the same pattern.

16. Do you work for someone or have your own thing?

    A business owner that does the same work gets more “credit” in the dating world.

    If the women are looking for someone with a certain level of education then that might just be what it is. Can’t tell people what they should set as their standards.

17. Are you near Philadelphia asking for myself

18. Ah man I love carpenters 😮‍💨. Move to Hawaii I’ll take care of u 😂

19. I would be so excited to date a carpenter! A carpenter could build so many fun things for the house.

20. Firstly you should never be embarrassed to profess to being a craftsman – crafting things with your hands – using your brain and skills to transform a bunch of wooden planks and fasteners into something you are proud that is actually useful to people is a worthy way to spend a life. You just get better and better at it. – and the core skillset can easily lead to design, supervision of others, general contracting …. Building skyscrapers whatever. Most of then came from general carpentry. Please don’t be embarrassed about being a craftsperson. Anyway, if you take personal pride in what you do, nobody should say one word and if they think less of you for such, it’s not a person for you. The Three billion females in the world each get one single vote on their opinions about what you do. Very few people in the world get to craft things with their hands for a living. Be proud of what you add to the world. You TRANSFORM things into other things. So many of the people who out-earn you have the dad life of doing TRANSACTIONS all day – they sell things made by others as their job. Only the privileged get to actually MAKE THINGS

21. That’s great that you have the job you love.

    Can you try dating women who have blue collar jobs and don’t have university degree? Women with university degrees are generally conditioned to date men with similar level of education or higher.

22. I think is just a matter of finding the one that likes your “type” which I suspect is earthy

23. You’re going to have to wade through literally millions of potential partners. Those that self-select themselves for removal are doing you a favor and saving you considerable time, money, and heartache. Count it as the blessing it is and continue to face the world as someone who understands the value of hard, honest work.

24. Maybe change it to senior architectural developer or. Executive sawduster

25. Stop trying to pursue 30-something girlboss career women.

    Date younger and avoid career types. You can absolutely blow the doors off a 24-year-old who just wants to have a family and an easy life with a man. Stop trying to make the 35 year old deputy vice president of blah blah to notice you, she’s not going to.

26. You should stick with being your genuine self and someone who appreciates it to be in a happy relationship. You make a decent to good hourly wage for a skill of which you are passionate and always in demand. As for the women you describe you date I do not quite understand as there are plenty of educated women with incomes that would be more inclined with yours: Social Workers, RN’s, teachers, women in other medical fields. All these are professionals and licensed and in that $60- $90k annually range. So I’m not sure of what professions the educated women you are meeting do.

27. Meanwhile all the women I know in tech are wondering how to find you guys lol

28. >However, most of the women ***I meet in my area*** are highly educated and have high-earning careers. It seems like my career as a carpenter doesn’t quite align with their expectations. It’s disheartening to see the interest fade away once I mention what I do for a living.

    Okay, so…you either live in a heavily “high-paid career-woman friendly” area or you’re somehow subconsciously seeking out women that fall into that category.

    If it’s the former, then you probably need to forage further afield to find women who are more down to earth. If it’s the latter, how, exactly, are you “finding” your dates?

    Lastly, as several other people mentioned, you likely need to put your profession in your profile. That will help weed out Snooty McStodgyPants girls.

    I adore blue collar men… probably because a lot of good men in my life (my dad, uncles, granddad, ex-hubby) were all blue collar. But I work in a white collar science-y industry, so a lot of men I meet (or rather met…I don’t really date these days) were likewise of the science-y persuasion.

    I mean, maybe go meet women in more down to earth type locations, local night club dance classes (free on non-weekend nights in most areas), what used to be called “powder puff mechanic” classes, cooking classes, other local group type events… Maybe even try some slightly unconventional ones like speed dating.

29. I think a lot of white collar women don’t ever interact with blue collar men in any substantial way, especially if their parents are professionals. I am a weird outlier because both my parents have university degrees, but my dad was a landscape contractor for most of his career.

    I think you were going to have to fight certain stereotypes, fair or unfair. Mainly:

    1) that blue collar men are conservative. White collar professional women are usually left leaning. Yes, statistically this is the case, but not always true.
    2) that blue collar guys expect women to fulfil traditional gender roles. Most of the ones I know have wives who earn around as much as they do, though they’re almost as inconsistent about housework as white collar guys. Most of the younger ones take turns staying home when the kid is sick, same as everyone else.
    3) that blue collar guys are dirty and have poor grooming and hygiene. Most of the ones I know past their late 20s are very clean. They also tend to keep their hair neat and many are rocking moustaches. But the non-ass washing guy is a horror story most women have heard of.
    4) that blue collar guys are ignorant and uncultured. Again, some are 100% NASCAR and hockey, but many are well-travelled with diverse interests.
    5) that blue collar guys are homophobic and racist. Most of the younger ones don’t give a damn if someone is gay.

30. ” i ain’t saying you a gold digger”

31. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I don’t have any advice but as a well payed woman with a masters degree, I think I should share my perspective. To me, your job wouldn’t matter. I value more someone that is dedicated and passionate about their job (at whatever level) than someone that is high on the corporate ladder but their passion is just for income and status and not the job itself. Now, idk if this is just not a common perspective amongst women, or if it’s due to the fact that I’m a 37 year old financially independent woman. Anyway, I don’t see nothing wrong with your perspective and I felt like I should reinforce that. Hope you find what you’re looking.

32. Hang in there! 9th grade drop out, blue collar worker here in a similar boat pay wise. I found my fiancee in my mid 30’s, who is my complete opposite. Highly educated (private high school, 4.0 thru a bachelor’s and a masters program) and she is a higher earner than myself.

    No all women want the mirror of themselves in a partner!

33. You don’t wanna date women who judge you for being a carpenter

    You have a skill that allows you to pretty easily earn a 6 figure income working for yourself, anyone judging that is an idiot lmao

34. I swear I’ve seen this same story a few months ago.

    You have a job. You drive a car. You’re mentally stable. This bitches don’t know anything if that’s a bad thing. Maybe increase your dating pool to more respectable women?

35. You are dating out of your league. Date people within your league. Plenty of women making 30-35 an hour or less. Then you should be more successful.

36. Didn’t you post this once before already a few months ago? You typed out almost exactly the same thing. You said you had a thing for affluent ladies living in the wealthier communities. You received a lot a great advice so why bother posting again… unless you’re karma farming.

37. I am a high earning college educated woman with a white collar job and you sound exactly like the type of guy with the type of career I would go for. You work skilled labor with your hands, you make pretty decent money, you love it, and you have been responsible with your money and have a lot saved up. It sounds like the women you have met just aren’t compatible with you. Don’t give up!

38. there is a branding aspect to it too. You could rebrand yourself as a “home renovation consultant”.

39. Seriously, it doesn’t seem all that difficult to figure out. You are just dating the wrong women. That’s not to say all career women will not be interested but you’ve found for yourself that many won’t, so date different type of women. If that’s all you’re meeting online, try some different strategies online like right up front saying you are a carpenter and at least that will weed out those who aren’t interested. Maybe you’ll get less matches but they will be better matches.

    If you don’t get enough matches, get offline. Tall good looking 20 something guy shouldn’t be online matching anyway. Go out to bars, even if you don’t drink, and meet some women. If you’re not social, practice and put in the effort.

    Go to the mall or the park or other places where a lot of young single women will be and walk up and chat them up. Don’t be too pushy. Learn to take no for an answer of course but plenty of women will be interested .

    Also, try going to places where more women that aren’t career driven high performers would go. I don’t know what area you live in but you’re probably going to do better in suburban and rural areas than urban cities, especially tech cities .

    But really it doesn’t seem that hard to figure out. Not to be hard on you but it seemed pretty simple. Plenty of women love guys that work with their hands, especially skilled, and they know you can fix up a house really nice too. Good luck

40. My good man, you are doing everything correctly in your personal life.

    The only piece of advice I have for you is that messaging is everything. ‘Carpenter’ often conjures an image in people’s minds that isn’t fully reflective of what you do. It is not fair to others either when you use terms that have historically been linked to manual labor or unskilled jobs. It’d be the same as if an engineer said he was a ‘factory worker’ – there is just a difference in perception. You cannot blame a woman for assuming that you are barely scraping by in life when you introduce yourself as a carpenter.
    As such, I would recommend a ‘fancier’ title that you can use. Maybe a ‘Fiber-Complex Sculptor’ if you are on the artsier side or a ‘Fiber-Engineer’. So long as you can communicate what you do without conjuring the incorrect impression.

41. I’m a highly educated, high earner who married that carpenter who is easy on the eyes and he is building me a beautiful home! I couldn’t be happier and am thrilled that he loves doing it.