I started the relationship, and for the first six months, things were amazing (honeymoon phase). Eventually, things started to go downhill, and we ended up breaking up. The girl I love has an avoidant style of attachment; she tends to detach from everyone when problems arise, which is what happened in our relationship. She’s been searching for a job but hasn’t been able to find one, which has affected our relationship, leading to the breakup. We’ve kept talking since then because she doesn’t want to cut ties completely, but I’ve been the only one making efforts to maintain the relationship (if we can call one). Even though there’s been tension, stress, and conflict, we’ve never stayed out of touch for more than a week.
After a year in the relationship, things started to improve a little but never on track completely, always conflicting, ignoring my calls and messages.
However, now she’s about to leave the country and return to her home country. One day, she surprised me by asking, “Will you marry me?” after almost two weeks of no contact. I’m confused because she’s leaving and asking me this question now. According to her, she feels I’m the right fit for her and always there for her.
But I’m an anxious person and hate uncertainty, especially since she never gave 100% to this relationship, and she knows this and accepts it. She never gave much attention when she was living just 10 km away. Now, with her moving 4000 km away, it’s hard for me to trust that she’ll prioritize our relationship. She wants to discuss it with her family and see if things will work out.
I love her, and she’s loyal, practical, and emotionally controlled, which makes me want to marry her. She showed great affection at the start of the relationship, going out of her comfort zone. However, her attitude is hard to gauge since she never gave much time to the relationship when she was nearby. She’s the type of person who can’t be forced into anything, which has made me feel controlled.
She’s told me it’s okay if I find someone else while she’s figuring things out. I know I can give my all to her and wait for her, but it’s all quite messy. Any advice from someone who’s been through this? Is it just me, or is everyone in our generation (born in 1995) messed up in relationships?
TL;DR: Relationship started strong, but deteriorated due to partner’s avoidant attachment style and job search struggles. Despite ongoing communication, partner proposes before leaving the country, causing confusion for OP who questions trust and commitment. Seeking advice on navigating uncertainty and anxious attachment in long-distance relationships.