My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and I know the age gape is large but I never had a male figure in my life which may be part of the problem. He sent me this message after bringing up how I was upset with him prioritizing his basement so much that he admittedly forgot about Valentine’s Day. I brought a card and gifts and had multiple dishes that I planned on cooking for us to make it romantic. I just wanted to spend the day together. He did get dinner the day before Valentine’s Day (which I feel he did so he could throw it in my face which he always does when I call out his behavior) but expected me to help with construction in his basement right after and told me he would be spending the actual Valentine’s Day with his mother. I thanked him profusely for everything but he still insisted I was ungrateful even though my whole thing was feeling second place during that time. It wasn’t about gifts even though he did say that he would get me flowers and everything afterwards, but he never did and instead bought a bunch of things for himself which did hurt a bit but he apologized for the lack of care put into Valentine’s Day but simontaneously persecuted me.
MESSAGE FROM Boyfriend:
“Fine next time I will buy you ten boxes of chocolates and flowers and save the more costly expensive dinner.
Yes, guilty as charged I was engulfed with the basement bc I normally have very little time between work, taking care of a large house and everything that comes with it, not mentions a single Dad, and back and forth to help my mom. All of which you know very well about! How dare you challenge me on this again when I give in many ways every time we are together or not, even during the holidays I baked desserts to bring home to your family, I send home flowers for you and your family and desserts and do it all because I care and love to give! You say you appreciate it but this again proves that is false because if you did you would be sharing all of this info with your friends and family rather than condemning me by focusing on the one time I could have done more and didn’t! I more than make up for any misses with my every day giving and the big heart I have! Again, how dare you say otherwise, shame on you (name). Nothing more to say”
1. His son is my age
2. The flowers he’s referring to was a one time thing for my moms house which was very nice of him
3. He does nice things for me but they always get thrown in my face when I address something. For example a friend of mine, caught him on a dating app with the status of “recently active” and he blamed me for being upset, and having questions saying that “he gives way too much to be questioned like this” he said he was on there that day to delete it but it was very suspicious to me
8 comments
Stop wasting your time and get out girl!!
You’re so young and you have so much potential. Why are you dating someone That’s 35 years older than you?
Listen, all I can do is tell you that I have been where you are and there is no way in the world this is going to work out. You don’t have to believe me, it’s cool. Just consider the fact that he doesn’t respect you nor see you as an equal partner and he never, ever will. This man should have enough life experience to know this relationship won’t work out but he likely has undiagnosed mental health issues. You dont need attention from him even though it feels very important right now. You’ll eventually see that he is manipulating you and he is emotionally abusive. Google: emotional manipulation abusive relationship. You know you need to leave him, he is a child in a grown man’s body and yes you are above that. Take care of yourself and don’t ever, EVER let ANYONE tell you how you should feel. Maybe one day you’ll be in your mid thirties advising young women who have their whole future ahead of them to not engage in a relationship with someone like this.
What is your question? This doesn’t seem like he gives you very much respect as a person. If my partner ever said “shame on you”, I’d be gone pretty quickly
186 days ago you posted about a 20 year old boyfriend. 174 days ago you posted about a 23 year old boyfriend. Today you have been in a one year relationship with a 55 year old man. Which is it girl?
Girl, he did not “forget” valentines he planned to spend it with his mother. Does anyone know or approve of your relationship? I doubt he’d ever introduce you to his mother you’re young enough to be his granddaughter. He’s ashamed of dating you, as he should be. Get an age appropriate relationship, one where he bothers to remember valentine’s and doesn’t shame you when you point out his neglect.
Eww why is he reprimanding you like you are his child?!? Leave please dump his ass.
This man is gaslighting you. Love bombing you and then telling you your reaction to said love bombing is insufficient. This is classic narcissistic behaviour. Please get out. I think he may be preying on you as women nearer his age would not put up with this as they have met men like him before and have 0 time for them. Be prepared for him to turn nasty when you (hopefully) end it. This man is controlling and will not want you to escape his grasp. If he really is as narcissistic as he sounds from your post he will love bomb to try to keep you and then turn nasty when it fails. You need to stay strong and stick to your choice or this will just keep happening but it will get worse over time.xx