TLDR: im not sure I can provide support for my boyfriend during uni as i am emotionally exhausted from the previous year of my realtionship.
I’ve been in a realtionship with my boyfriend for almost two years, starting from 2022. I met him in high-school and l was head over heels for him, as he was an incredibly calm person that I liked to be around. However, as I started to know him more his calm demeanor isn’t an accurate representation of how he truly felt on the inside. In short, he has a lot of mental issues which causes him to get extremely anxious and his self esteem is quite low. However I loved him so much that I was willing to work with him through it. For me, loving him was also taking care of him when he needed it. He was the only one I wanted to give my care for realtionship wise, as I’ve never seen myself being in a relationship in high school. He was incredibly caring to me, and our realtionship was very healthy.
Around 2023, I had received unfortunate news after my high-school graduation about my father (he’s doing well now) and to add to that, my university had messed with my admissions which meant I wasn’t even in uni yet despite having gotten “accepted”. My boyfriend had gotten into university but he struggled quite a lot in his degree to the point where he would shake and say he wanted to take his life.
I comforted him and tried to help him with his university work, all the while being the primary care taker for my father’s illness and having to worry about my own university struggles. In short, I had to help him convince his father to try and let him leave the country and pursue another university as this one wasn’t the best for him. He cried so much, I would recieve calls for help while at the hospital with my father, he would shake from his aniexty. I got him to see a therapist in the end, but the therapist was subpar according to him.
During this time I was incredibly exhausted, and I’m sure he was too but I got incredibly scared about the dynamic of our realtionship because his sister (25) told him that I couldn’t always be his therapist as I continously provided support while dealing with my own issues. I did feel like a therapist during that time, but never knew how to put it exactly until she said it.
I leave for university soon, and my boyfriend will also be in the same country as I am for university but I’m just not able to handle university and his mental health….I’ve talked to him about it already but it feels incredibly heartbreaking to go through with it. He’s fragile, and I’m scared he will get worse mentally speaking.. I’m not sure if I am able to comfort or give him the support he needs during university as I’ve planned to be quite busy because I want to major in a competitive field. Is there any advice?